Brock Osweiler

USA Today

The Brock Lobster Is Back

You want proof that the NFL is weird? 

October 15, 2018 - 11:26 am
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The Miami Dolphins didn't exactly head into Sunday's game on a hot streak. It's pretty tough to remember you started 3-0 when the Patriots fed you to the woodchipper and won by 31 and the Bengals housed you by double digits. 

And when news broke Sunday morning that starting quarterback Ryan Tannehill was a late scratch, the best piece of news coming from Dolphins Twitter was this absolutely iconic tweet by beat-man Joe Schad: 

"The Dolphins have complimented Brock Osweiler for his snap count etiquette and huddle etiquette since his arrival." 

I didn't even know Snap Count and Huddle Etiquette were things. Yet here's the positive spin out of Miami for an offense about to face Khalil Mack -- the tall dude with a terrible tattoo and a big bank account who has been shipped from Denver to Houston to Cleveland back to Denver and now to Miami is going to be an absolute gentlemen in the huddle and at the line of scrimmage. 

Ony he wasn't. Brock Osweiler was an absolute savage. THE BROCK LOBSTER IS BACK, BABY!

Chicago just got done dirty by the big man. 28 of 44. 380 yards. Three touchdowns, a couple picks to keep it interesting, and 541 yards of total offense. 

I'm just gonna go out and say it. BROCK OSWEILER OWNS CHICAGO. The Bears are 0-and-3 against this dude. And even after Kenyan Drake fumbled the game away at the 1-inch line in overtime, Brock said "I GOT THIS." He put the Fins on his back, marched them for six plays and as the clock expired, Jason Sanders kicked the overtime winner. 

Look, you want proof that the NFL is weird? The Cowboys body-bagged Jacksonville and Brock Osweiler put up more than 500 yards of offense against a Bears defense that looked ridiculous. Brock Osweiler was staring down a double-digit deficit late in the 3rd quarter and this dude just went Dan Marino with it. And honestly, I'm not even sure he knew what he was doing. 

After hitting Albert Wilson for a ridiculous 75 yard touchdown pass, he hit the Bears with a Jordan shrug. Only when 45 did it, he couldn't explain how everything he shot he looked at went down. When Brock did it, I think he was legitimately confused how the hell it was happening. 

Well it happened, Brock. You went out and beat the Bears and then postgame, your coach went to the mic and basically lit Ryan Tannehill on fire: "I don't know, I don't know, I don't sit there and ask him all these questions. I just know the guy couldn't go today. Go ask him. I'm tired of answering all these questions about this guy. I got it, but you know what, I'm over it. Me and him, we know that he's not right, right now. The details of it, we'll keep them to us. You guys don't need to know that." 

Look, I don't know what's going on with Ryan Tannehill and Adam Gase, but I do know when your head coach won't even mention the starting quarterback's name, it's not exactly a good thing. Gase hit Tannehill with a "Him," a "This Guy" and a "I'm over it." That's the kind of thing that leads you to believe that we might be seeing more of the Lobster in Aqua and Orange. And I'm all about that. 

Because one Sunday of Brock Lobster is incredible. But one more season? Oh hell yes. And of course, I don’t think he can do it again.  I just don’t care. Because he did yesterday…. And the NFL is better with the rock lobster, whether he’s lighting himself on fire or someone else.