Jimmy Garoppolo

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Jimmy G Is Good For Business

If you're still hating on Garoppolo you're probably a hypocrite.

July 24, 2018 - 12:40 pm
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Jimmy Garoppolo is good for business. Just ask the 49ers who tossed this cat the rock in Week 13 last year when he slung it around the yard for five straight wins. The 9ers couldn’t be more stoked on that trade with New England. And now they’ve got their guy. The face of the franchise. The QB of the future. And the reason to hump it down to Santa Clara for a ticket and a number 10 gamer.

But he’s not just good for the 49’ers bottom line. My man is making everyone around him richer. Including last week’s dinner date, Kiara Mia. 

If you’ve clicked on any sports rag in the last five days then you probably know that TMZ spotted Jimmy G wining and dining in Beverly Hills last week. His date was the headline, though, because of who she is and how she makes a living. Look, I couldn’t care less that she’s a porn star and he’s an NFL quarterback. Last I checked—they were both human beings who have every right to a nice meal. And that’s where my business starts and ends with that whole scene. Who are any of you to deny two people food? 

So I don’t care who he dates and what he does in his free time. If he isn’t hurting anyone than what’s the problem? It’s the exact same way I feel about anyone and everyone and the exact same way I expect them to feel about me. My time is my time. Your time is your time. 

But what I do find awesome and worth talking about is the Jimmy G effect. Specifically the analytics of what going to dinner with this guy can do to your brand.

Because the adult website Porn Hub is reporting to TMZ today that searches on their page for Kiara Mia—Jimmy G’s date—have spiked 23—wait for it—hundred percent! 23-hundred percent. The spike in searches happened the exact night of their date so this isn’t some kind of coincidence. This is straight Jimmy G making it rain for everyone around him. 

Not only are the Hub’s searches dramatically up—but another website called xHamster has put a script in front of her called, “In The Endzone with Kiara Mia.” 

Now, I’m not an expert in this field at all. But it would seem to me that a movie with the title, “In The Endzone” probably wouldn’t have been pitched to this particular person had she not gone a date with a guy who plays a sport with endzones.

So this dude is creating jobs. Because there’s going to be a cast and crew for In The Endzone. The same way there will be ticket takers and concession workers at Levi’s who get to keep cashing checks because people want to be in that house on Sunday’s now.

So before you kill Jimmy for an innocent date with a human being—just considering the revenue he’s creating for everyone around him. Dude’s like me—an idol maker. That’s a big responsibility. It puts food on people’s plates. And if I’m an actress in the business—I’m calling my agent and asking for Jimmy’s number. 

And if Jimmy G I'm asking anyone I go out with to pick up the dinner check. Because it's their stock is about to skyrocket after Harvey Levin's people find them out on the town.

And if you're still hating on Garopollo you're probably a hypocrite. Because there's data that shows you have the exact same taste as him.