Robert Sarver

USA Today

Phoenix Woman Has Had It With Sarver

Don’t look now but the 5-win Phoenix Suns are in the fight of their lives. 

December 14, 2018 - 11:07 am
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Don’t look now but the 5-win Phoenix Suns are in the fight of their lives. Except this fight isn’t on the court—this fight could be heading to court.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. A professional sports team with an outdated arena is demanding tax payer money for a new barn or at least some renovations—and if they don’t get it, they're threatening to U-Haul the team to a market who will stroke the check on a brand new pile of bricks.

It happens all the time. Just ask Oakland, St. Louis, San Diego, and Seattle. Those cities all refused to go into their pockets to build new stadiums and now the Raiders are off to Vegas, the Rams are in LA, the Chargers are in Carson, and the Sonics are in OKC.

And now the Phoenix Suns are next in line to flex this tried-and-true negotiation tacit. Because reports from the desert are that team owner Robert Sarver wants 150 million in public funding to update Talking Stick Arena. And he needs four votes from the seven city council members to make that happen. That vote was supposed to happen earlier this week but it was a delayed until January because the majority flipped on Sarver and the deal was doomed to fail.

But that didn’t stop the city from holding a meeting where concerned citizens could swing by, crack a mic, and then crack Robert Sarver for trying to reach into their paychecks. And if the Suns thought NBA competition was tough—wait till they get a load of Phoenix woman, Greta Rodgers. 

Now, I’ve been around the block. And I know better than to ever guess a woman’s age. But since this is still an audio-medium, let me go ahead and describe Greta as someone who might vividly remember the Calvin Coolidge era—if you know what I mean. And if she pulled up to City Hall Wednesday night in a Ford Model A, I wouldn’t be shocked. 

But age is just a number. Because her mind and her flow is as sharp as anyone’s. Check this lady’s act as she brought the absolute wrath down on the entire city of Phoenix last night.

Greta. Conor. McGregor. Rodgers. If you need her.

Never has a city been more appropriately named. Because a phoenix is a bird that rose from the ashes and I’m pretty sure Greta Rodgers just torched the entire 6-0-2 to the ground. 

Pick your favorite part from that clip. I dare you.

Was it the econ-101 lesson at the top? 

Was it the epic burn on Robert Sarver being cheap? 

Or was it personally shaming and singling out some dude on the board named Ed?

Would someone please point Ed and Robert Sarver to a support group for people who just got laid the hell out by Greta Rodgers?

This is better and more entertaining than anything the Suns have done on the floor in the last decade. And while I never want to see a fan base lose their team—I’m not gonna lie—I really want to see this fight drag out a little longer so long as Phoenix Woman Greta Rodgers is involved. 

What a damn good citizen. 

Now, I wouldn’t be doing my job as an impartial broadcaster if I didn’t present the other side of the story. Because Robert Sarver did record this video statement and put it out on the Suns official Twitter handle yesterday.

So either the 5-win Suns are here to stay, or that video—unlike Greta Rodgers—is going to age terribly. 

Only time will tell. But one thing we do is this: The city of Phoenix isn’t going to take this laying down. Not as long as Greta Rodgers is still standing upright. Get your Neccos and butterscotch candy ready. It's freaking on.   

You got that, Sarver? You got that, Ed?