If "Softball Guy" is peaking for a quarter-final beer league game in front of a crowd of 12, then what happens when some of the World’s finest Softball Guys hook up on national television for a border war? Balls get mashed. That’s what. Tell me you caught the long drive competition that was the U.S. v Canada over the weekend. Now that’s what I’m saying. That’s not your standard softball guy. You know, angry young guy, with the $500 bat, in full gear and eye black, who plays the game the right way and would be in the bigs right now if his high school coach didn’t hate him. I’m not talking about tools like that. I’m talking about a legend like this! That’s big, bad, Rusty Bumgardner if you need him. Look at this monster; 6-6, 285 and no matter how you pitch him, it’s going to end like this! You usually get two meals and a movie on a flight like that! Check it out! Over the scoreboard and out past the Caterpillar onto a construction site. How is this masher not batting clean up for the Mets. Rusty Bumgardner. Man. You will never have to buy another drink in this town again; Rusty not if I have anything to say about it. The only problem with this game, is how it ended. One, we lost. I hate that. Two, the reason we lost is because of that ridiculous max out rule where any homerun beyond ten is an out. Yeah, because we can help that we’re such extreme mashers.

That makes sense; punish a team for tearing the cover off the ball. You can’t tell these guys to choke up and slap one between short and third. They hit the ball where the players aren’t, and that’s over the fence, off the Caterpillar. Canada you should be ashamed to accept that W. Because you know and we know, we won that game. And let me just say this, Rusty Bumgardner is the ultimate male. And a great American. On behalf of a grateful nation, God bless you, Rusty Bumgardner.