A Ham Sando And Some Cigars

Now that's how you celebrate a natty title.

Jim Rome
January 14, 2020 - 11:08 am
Ed Orgeron and Joe Burrow

USA Today

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In 1831 senator William L. Marcy declared during a Congressional debate that, “to the victor go the spoils.” In 2020—the LSU football team carried that credo on like champions. Because they didn’t just walk out of New Orleans with the national title trophy and some souvenir confetti raked up from the field. No. They went ham and damn near burned the place down. And I mean both those in the most literal sense possible. 

Because Coach Ed Orgeron actually went ham. Not hard as a motherbleeper. I’m talking spiral cut. Or maybe black forest. Who knows—it could have been honey-baked. Because the dude who celebrated beating Alabama earlier this season with a ham sandwich and called it a great night—is the same dude who ran it back. Cold cut style. Again.

Last night in an interview with sports center, Coach O hit the deli counter again saying, “We’re probably gonna get a ham sandwich. Go to bed. Wake up tomorrow and do it again. We’re just simple folks. We love our life. I love my family. We don’t go out. We don’t do things like that. We represent the state of Louisiana.” 

Give me, give me, a ham sandwich. And some chips!

Ed O loves him a ham sando like Aaron Rodgers loves a glass of scotch. These guys have a routine and they stick to it. And if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Gotta love that a natty title and a 500-grr bonus paycheck to go along with it doesn’t change the late night snack for college football’s most lovable coach? Two slices of bread, some condiments, I’m sure, and a few slices of deli meat. Why the hell not? Who needs a steakhouse, or even the Red Lobster when you can go to your fridge and pantry and have a two-dollar ham sando on demand? 

I gotta know what kind of sando this guy is fixing up. Is it top shelf stuff on marble rye or a real working man’s ham sandy on Wonder bread? No clue—but I get the feeling Ed O isn’t picky. Just hungry. And he went ham last night. Literally. Like we all knew he would.

I also mentioned that the LSU Tigers almost burned the joint down in New Orleans. That’s true, too. Because these dudes busted out the cutters and blue tips and fired up some rockets. And Ed O knew it was coming. Because as soon as Joe Burrow got done with his presser, his coach threw some advice his way.

“Take it easy on that cigar, boy.”

That advice was ignored. And Joe Burrow was seen ripping his stogie from the hallway all the way back to the locker room. And when he got in there—the place looked a like an afternoon in Snoop Dogg's living room. Visibility non-existent. Just a bunch of champion college kids riffing cigars. And it was awesome. Awesome until the local fuzz rolled in and threatened to give them some more jewelry in the form of silver bracelets. 

According to Alabama dot com—an officer came into the locker room and told the team that any players smoking stogies would be subject to arrest. And according to Alabama dot com—many of the players laughed out loud thinking it was a joke. Hard to blame them. But it wasn’t a joke. Nobody was arrested but the players apparently had to put out their sticks. Huge buzz kill. But at least someone was able to film Burrow chilling in a recliner blowing clouds like Tony Soprano in pads before he had to put it out. Cigars might not last forever. But pictures do. And those pictures are legendary.

Epic night for LSU and an epic night for celebrating: Half a million dollars, a ham sando, and some brown leaf missiles. To the victors go the spoils