Bengals Fan Living On His Roof

Just come down, Jeffrey. Not hard.

Jim Rome
November 18, 2019 - 11:41 am
Cncinnati Bengals

USA Today

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Raider. Freaking. Nation.  The hell is up? Go ahead and get jacked. Because the Autumn Wind truly is a pirate this year. 6-4 through 10 games. Tied atop the division for another couple of hours with the Chiefs. And a chance to move into solo first place in the AFC West if the Chargers get over on KC tonight in Mexico City. 

But—for right now—this isn’t about you. This is about what you did to the Bengals and a certain Bengals fan with that 17-10 win yesterday at the Coliseum.

Because not only did the Silver and Black send the Nati to a league-worst 0-10 record on Sunday, but they also unknowingly renewed some poor soul’s week-to-week lease on a rooftop tent.

Right now, as I speak from this climate controlled studio in SoCal, a dude named Jeff Lanham is living on the roof of his barbeque restaurant 2,000 miles away in Milan, Indiana where it’s currently 37 degrees and will drop below freezing overnight. And he’s been up there for 43 days and counting. In a tent. With nothing but a cot, a sleeping bag, a TV, and an electric space heater.

So why is Jeff the Chef up there? Because for some reason he told his wife he would go live on the roof of their BBQ joint if the Bengals lost to the Cardinals. And he made that unsolicited announcement way the hell back in Week 5 of a Bengals season that has progressively gotten worse and worse every damn Sunday.

The only reason anyone knows that Jeff threatened to go live on the roof is because his wife told the local news—WKRC—who often uses their restaurant as a remote broadcast location for Bengals road games.

According the Washington Post—Jeff was joking. But his wife made the joke a reality when she dimed him out to the news.

“I said it, so it’s my fault. But she kinda put salt in the wound by saying it live on channel 12. So I’m now I’m living it. And until they win, I’m stuck on the roof.”

43 days later and Jeff is still on the roof. Living in a tent. When his house is only a couple of miles away.

Jeff told the Post, “You just bored as hell up here watching TV and Netflix, but there’s literally nothing else for you to do now that it’s like 20 degrees. I just turn on my heater, strip down to my boxers, and lay in my sleeping bag for most the day.”

All of that sounds better than watching the Bengals. But apparently he does that, too. And Ickey Woods has even paid the castaway a visit up in his tent and watched a game with him.

What makes this whole stunt even stupider than it already is—is the fact that no one is holding him to this? He didn’t bet anyone anything. He never laid down any ground rules. He just told his wife he’d go live on the roof if the Bengals lost to the Cardinals six weeks ago. And he’s been up there, naked in a sleeping bag watching Netflix ever since.

And now his wife has is literally asking God to bring him down. “I’m just praying that the Bengals win so he can come back home.”

Here’s a crazy idea. Just come down off the roof. You don't need divine intervention. Just put your clothes back on, and come down off the roof. Trust me when I tell you that no one will care. It took the national news six weeks to realize you were up there in the first place. So just come down now and watch the world continue to turn.

Because you’re clearly making this up as you go. And the Bengals are playing the Steelers this weekend in the final game before Thanksgiving. Are you really going to spend Thanksgiving on the roof of a barbecue joint because your wife told the almighty WKRC that you’d live up there if Cinci lost to Arizona?

What happens if the Bengals go 0-16? Are you gonna be up there all offseason through camp and OTA’S too?

The longer you stay up there, Jeff, the more I’m starting to think you want to be up there. You’re a married man with a business—and for 43 days you’ve been on vacation from both of those things watching Netflix, eating snacks, and laying around naked in front of a space heater.

Either come down now or admit you’re loving life in the tent. Because if you weren’t having the time of your life living like a bachelor in a Coleman—you’d already be home by now.

Nothing is stopping you, Jeff. Nothing except the non-stop sleeping, eating, and binge watching Netflix.

I’m onto you, dude. And it won't be long till your wife is, too. Especially if you start rolling Boomer, Tim Krumrie and James Brooks up there like you did my man Icky. Smarten up, Jeffrey.