Bleeping Johnny Foxboro?

Take a bow, Gisele Bundchen.

Jim Rome
September 02, 2020 - 11:35 am
Tom Brady

USA Today

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It’s been said that no one reads anymore. Unless you count reading Twitter or that two-sentence blurb on Netflix describing what show you might gamble on for a potential binge sesh. But the point remains the same; people just aren’t reading anymore.

Call it attention deficiency. Call it a societal regression. Call it a content overload. Call it the internet takeover. Call it whatever the hell you want—but people aren’t reading anymore.

That—however—might change. Because this week a brand new book from Jeff Benedict is dropping called The Dynasty. And The Dynasty is an in-depth look behind the New England Patriots’ 20-year historically great run with Tom Brady and Bill Belichick together as the best quarterback/coach combo ever.   

And I know what you’re thinking; that story has been told a gazillion times already. Maybe. But not by Jeff Benedict. And Jeff Benedict is a pro’s pro. Don’t believe me—go check out his work with Armen Keteyian on the Tiger Woods book. That's another story that’s been told over and over again—but no one nailed it like those two did. So I fully expect The Dynasty will be more of the same.

And so far—early excerpts are strong. Because NBC Sports Boston got an advance copy and some great stuff is already coming out. Like how Brady’s career almost ended behind the scenes in 2018 with a thumb laceration. Or how Robert Kraft texted Brady after he left the Patriots, saying “I love you more than you know. I love your parents for creating you.” Which is an extremely weird thing to say. Even for Kraft. 

But so far—the leader in the clubhouse is this story that went down after the Pats lost to the Eagles in the Super Bowl. Apparently, Brady wanted to leave the organization right then and there. And he had an unwritten agreement with Kraft that he could walk away on his own terms at any point and he wanted Kraft to let him do that.

But Bobby didn’t want that. So Bobby called a meeting with Tom and his wife Giselle. And in that meeting Gisele told Kraft that she was pissed at how Belichick had treated her man after so many great years of winning. From the book:

She also pointed out how ridiculous it was that after all these years, Belichick still treated Brady like “f-ing Johnny Foxboro.” And that, “It was bullsh*t to still be dressing down the most accomplished quarterback in league history during team meetings and treating his personal trainer and best friend like some kind of outcast.

I’m sorry. Did Giselle just say Hoodie treated Brady like, “f-ing Johnny Foxboro”???!!

That is—without a doubt—an all-time great gloss: never mind, that I have no idea what it means or where she was going with it; I just love that she gave old man Kraft the hands, saying the hood treats my man like “f-ing Johnny Foxboro.”  Superb.  Whatever the hell it means. 

Not John Doe. Not Johnny Come Lately. Not Johnny Appleseed.

F-ing Johnny Foxoboro.

It’s like she was looking around the room trying to come up with the right phrase; and had half of it; the f bomb part of it: but was reaching for the other half before remembering where they were and just bluring out f-ing Johnny Foxboro. Or maybe that didn’t just come her in the moment; maybe she had that locked and loaded before sitting down with the old man.  I know this, that sure as hell wasn’t the first she and Tommy had that conversation.   And if you’re wondering what Brady was doing was his lady was airing out the old man….I wasn’t there but I can tell you.  He shut the bleep up: just like he always does when the boss talks. 

 “F-ing Johnny Foxboro.”

Take a bow, Gisele Bundchen. That is simply f-ing amazing.

You can call Tom Brady—Tommy, or GOAT, or TB12, or whatever the hell you want. I’m calling him F-ing Johnny Foxboro from here on out.

Take a backseat Johnny Football—or Johnny Car Insurance—or Johnny Idiot Face—or Johnny whatever the hell your name…

Johnny Foxboro is the new Johnny of record.

Keep in mind, this is the same woman who once famously said after the 2012 Pats Super Bowl loss to the Giants that her husband, “Can’t f-ing throw and catch the ball at the same time.

And it turned out she was right about that too. Because a few Super Bowls later, her husband proved her right by dropping a pass that hit him right in the worst place imaginable—his hands.

Using the f-word with sting and bite is a gift. And Gisele has it. She also has lines for days.

My husband can’t f-ing throw and catch the ball at the same time…and f-ing Johnny Foxboro.

He’s not the goat: she is. 

Memo to Bruce Arians; don’t go treating Gisele’s man like f-ing Johnny Raymond James Stadium. Or else you’re gonna hear about it. And then we all will, too.