Chad Kelly

USA Today

Chad Kelly’s Arrest

If that isn’t rock bottom, I don’t know what is.

October 24, 2018 - 11:51 am
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It’s no secret that the Denver Broncos have had some issues at the quarterback position. Not just this year, but for a number of years. Ever since Peyton Manning took his giant helmet off his giant pink dome and walked off, there has been a carousel at quarterback for the Broncos. A carousel of bad quarterbacks.

Brock Osweiler? Nope. 

Trevor Siemian? Pass.

Paxton Lynch? Ehhhhh

Brock Osweiler again? Wrong again! 

Case Keenum? Not so much.

Put aside for a minute that the guy picking all these quarterbacks was one of the best to ever play the position, in John Elway; how the hell can you be that good at the position and that incapable of judging whether someone else can play it. So weird. The guy looked like an absolute genius for breaking off Tim Tebow. And then even smarter for convincing Manning to throw that wounded duck for the Broncos. But it has been an unmitigated disaster for Elway the Broncs since under center. So bad, that there was actually noise the Broncos would turn to Chad Kelly. You remember Chad Kelly, right? The final pick in the 2017 Draft had apparently shown enough in practice that maybe he was going to get a look sooner rather than later. 

Because this crew needs something to jumpstart that offense. There’s too much talent there for them to struggle the way that they are.

And that’s a testament to Chad Kelly. You show up in camp, bust your ass, and work your way from Mr. Irrelevant to suddenly very relevant? That’s pretty impressive. 

So if you’re on the verge of getting a look at the starting job, one of just 32 on the planet, what do you do on a Monday night/Tuesday morning in Colorado? Study the playbook? Get in some extra reps? Watch film?

Nope. Criminal trespass. 

Chad Kelly was arrested Tuesday morning on suspicion of first degree criminal trespass after a couple reported that he entered their home, uninvited, around 1am, and sat down on their couch, “mumbling incoherently.” 

Uhhh, what? 

According to the police report, the female in the couple was holding their young child and seated on a couch just inside the front door when “an unknown male entered the residence uninvited and sat down on the couch next to her, mumbling incoherently.”

Okay, what is going through your mind when you’re just on the couch with your young child and some stranger comes in and sits down next to you? You’d be tripping hard. I know I would be. 

What’s scarier than that? Some dude ends up in your house in the middle of the night, uninvited and that’s going to end really badly. Dudes not looking for a cup of sugar; not if he’s uninvited and letting himself in in the middle of the night. You’re minding your own business, in your own house, tending to your child, and in comes some stranger and just sits down next to you?!? I guarantee her response wasn’t damn, is that you Chad Kelly?

Bro, don’t you know you’re about to start? Have you already forgotten you got your ass kicked out of Clemson, and weren’t’ invited to the combine because of stuff like this. C’mon, Kelly get your act together. No, of course, not. She did what any wife and mom would do, if some bag showed up in the middle of the. Night uninvited: she called out to her who according to police: “confronted the male in the living room and hit him with a stick in the upper back as he kicked the male out of the residence. The stick was later identified…as an aluminum vacuum tube…”

That’s what I’m saying: some rando comes into your house, middle of the night mumbling incoherently, you don’t know what his intentions: you just know you’re not going wait to find out: and you go up side dude’s head with a vacuum cleaner tube.  Weaponizing your vacuum. I like that. A lot. That’s getting nice. And that could have gone so much worse. 

As for you Chad Kelly, what the hell are you doing? What are you doing getting so jacked up that you’re just walking into random homes and sitting on their furniture, uninvited before getting a vacuum cleaner beat down and getting chased off.  I know you’re not rocket scientist, but you can explain that away as a mistake or you were confused. I don’t know you were on, allegedly, but to end in that house at that time it must have been pretty lethal.

Forget for a moment that you have a look at being a starting quarterback and you’ve probably just blown that shot. I don’t care what job you have, you can’t be doing showing up at people’s houses wearing a vest and a scarf and just sitting down in their living room. 

But then there’s the fact that you did that just as you were about to get a look at a starting job. Talk about self-sabotage of the worst kind. My man, you need to talk to someone or spend some time somewhere. Do something. 

But who am I to give advice? Let me turn this over to one Leonard Dykstra, who has a message for you via Twitter: 

@Chadkelly_6, you're a pro QB. Let me give you a word of advice: As a pro QB on a popular team, u don't need to go into stalking mode, even if you don't go as far as I did & have "your people" have the party going and the girls already waiting at ur hotel suite 4 postgame fiesta.

Thanks, Len. Thanks for taking a break from doing whatever the hell it is that you’re doing, to mentor the youth of today. That’s a powerful message about… well, I have no idea what the hell it’s about… but it’s a powerful message and one that should be heard by everyone. 

Normally, I wouldn’t do that to you, Chad. I wouldn’t subject you to life advice from Lenny Dykstra, but my guy, that’s where you are right now. 

In my unpaid, completely unprofessional opinion, you need some help. This isn’t exactly the first time you’ve been in trouble and it’s not exactly the first time that you’ve blown a really good opportunity like this. Please, get help before something truly bad happens. Something worse than being hit by a vacuum while wearing a vest and a scarf. 

Forget the starting job. Forget the roster spot. Forget everything else that’s going on in your life. You’re at the point where Lenny Dykstra looks at you and says, man, you’re screwing up. And if that isn’t rock bottom, I don’t know what is.