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A Crazy Story Involving Florida Football Players

This whole thing is so ridiculous.

July 26, 2018 - 12:49 pm

Okay, I’m going to need you all to take a seat for this next take, because it’s going to take me a minute to lay out. It involves members of the Florida Gators football team, a gambler nicknamed Tay Bang, BB guns that allegedly looked like real guns, and a frying pan being used as a weapon. A dude weaponizing a frying pan. Do I have your attention? 

Yeah. That’s what I thought.

Because according to First Coast News, a number of Florida football players are in trouble following an on-campus incident involving football players and a local gambler named Devante Zachery, also known as Tay Bang. 

According to FCN, Tay Bang and some colleagues were waiting for the players near the dorms. There was an initial confrontation, but the players drove away. However, as they departed, the police report indicates that a player or players could be heard shouting, “we’re coming back strapped.”

Sure enough, according to a witness, a second confrontation took place. Zachery, aka Tay Bang, told police that one player was holding “some sort of assault rifle and some others were [holding] rocks.”

And at this point, things are about to get a little weird. Because during an interview with university police, one player said that he had a “good relationship” with Zachery, aka Tay Bang, but when they began losing, Tay Bang would call them “garbage.”

And he would complain about losing money after he bet on football games. And it’s at this point in the story, before we even get to the frying pan, that I need to take a moment to address any and all gamblers on Florida football in 2017.

The 2017 Florida Gators were garbage. Tay Bang was right about that. There’s a reason they went 4-7 and lost six of their final seven games. They were complete and utter garbage. 

But you know what else is garbage? Betting on a garbage team and expecting caviar results. Garbage in, garbage out. Come on, Tay Bang. You know that. 

They didn’t even crack the top 100 in points per game against FBS opponents. What were you doing betting on them? Unless you were betting against them or taking the under, that’s on you, not them. At a certain point, that’s a Tay Bang problem, not a Gator problem.  

But apparently it became a Gator problem back in May during this confrontation. Now, in fairness, the players in question initially denied any involvement in the incident and according to First Coast News, during an initial search, police did not find any bullets, but “they did find a frying pan that, according to the report, was seen on camera being used by one of the athletes during the confrontation.” 

And that, my friends, is how a story goes from good to great. It was a good story when it involved a gambler named Tay Bang being pissed at Florida being “garbage.” But now when one of those alleged “garbage” players allegedly brings a frying pan to a throwdown, that’s the stuff of legend.

If I’m understanding this correctly, there was an initial confrontation, the players left to get weapons designed to intimidate and one of them grabbed a frying pan. What – a wok didn’t want any of that? Was a casserole dish too heavy?

Were you going to a fight or to an episode of Chopped?

Hey, you grab the BB gun painted to look like a real gun, I’ll grab this mixing bowl, a spatula, and one of those hand-cranked egg beaters. We’re gonna jack some fools. Bring that freakin blender too.

Jason Bourne blowing up a house with a magazine and a toaster is impressed that this guy was strapped with an iron pan.   

I don’t know about you, I’m not a big gun guy. But now I’ve gone a frying pan on my nightstand. And one under my passenger’s seat.  No cooling off period. No need for a permit for a concealed pan. I so see this cat working. Dude has a pan. And he’s not afraid to use it. 

These dudes should just empty out the kitchen. Grab a few frying pans, rollers, wooden spoons, and spatulas and let these chumps know what time it is.

This whole thing is so ridiculous – from a gambler calling the Gators garbage to a Gator rolling up with cookware - I’m not sure it’s even true. 

But I know I want it to be true. I want so badly for someone to show up at a confrontation with a frying pan in one hand. And hopefully a sauce pan in the other hand. And a turkey baster in their sock.