Dolphins Beer Vendor Arrested

$724 for two beers?!

Jim Rome
October 02, 2019 - 11:07 am
Dolphins Fan

USA Today

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Florida Man is a fascinating concept. It’s taken on a life of its own. Just hear those two words and you know someone went imbecile.

And it’s probably a story that’s going to involve beer. Or swords. Or wildlife. Or all of the above. In this case, it involves beer and Dolphins. The Miami Dolphins. 

On Sunday, Florida Man Nathan Collier, a beer vendor at the Dolphins game, was arrested after charging a fan $724 for two beers.

$724 for two beers?! Is this Hard Rock Stadium or a Hard Rock Hotel pool party in Vegas? Did my dude just order a couple plastic cups of suds—or bottle service to his plastic teal seat at a Dolphins/Chargers game in Week 4? 

Craft Beer Guy is gripping right now to fire off some super inside tweet that maybe the bro at the game rang up two pours of Carlsberg Jacobsen. Or maybe he bought his entire section a case of Pliny the Elder. 

Sit this one out Craft Beer Guy. You and I and everyone that’s ever been to a game know that stadiums and arenas are incapable of getting more creative or risky than Goose Island IPA. There’s no $400 bottle of Jacobsen in any concession stand anywhere.

Scamming the less fortunate or the oppressed is dirty pool. It’s foul play. And how much more oppressed or less fortunate can a Dolphins fan be? That’s like coaxing a social security number out of a poor old person who answered your scam phone call. Or price gouging disaster relief items after a tornado. There’s a warm place in hell for hucksters who stick it to people who are already getting it stuck to ‘em.

Speaking of hell—working a beer scam at a Dolphins game in the middle of an all-time tank job is like cruising by the thermostat in hell and secretly bumping it up a few degrees. It’s hell. It’s hot enough. Or in this case—it’s a freaking Dolphins game. It sucks enough. And that’s without you conning $700 on the necessary medicinal lubricant. You see me working here? Notice Robin Hood didn’t make his name stealing from the poor.

The genius of this scam, if there was any genius to this scam, is the fact that everyone knows stadium food is expensive. And the only thing more expensive than stadium food is stadium beer.  

Which is why this scam might have actually had a chance of working, if it was done correctly. But according to the Miami Herald, the “rogue beer vendor” as they referred to him, took a credit card from a customer and swiped it on his own personal card reader, not the one issued by the stadium. And charged the customer 724 dollars for two beers.

That is a strong move. Strongly idiotic. Two beers that reportedly should go for around 20 bucks and he charged 724. My only question at this point is, why did he stop at 724. Why not go for five grand? Or ten grand? 

The reported retail is ten dollars a beer, but instead Collier charged a nice, fat 362 bucks a beer. You’re thinking about hitting a single, Nathan Collier is thinking 8-run home run. 

How did he see that one going? That the customer would get the statement at the end of the month and think, 724 bucks for beer at that Dolphins game? Well, I guess prices really have gone up. And then just keep on rolling like it was nothing?

That’s not what happened. Because the charge was so high, the customer got an immediate alert from the bank and that alert had the name of the vendor on it. The customer alerted authorities, Collier was arrested, charged with grand theft and using a skimming device, and fired. 

So let’s go back to the original idea. Because there is a way the scam could actually work. I’m not in the business of giving out advice on how to rob people, but the good thing here is that Florida Man Nathan Collier got really greedy. 

Because he probably could’ve just charged five or ten extra bucks for each beer and nobody really would’ve noticed. Ding enough people for 10 or 20 extra, it might actually be worth your time and add up….Instead, this dude went smash and grab. He went for the home run. 

Instead of casing the bank and figuring out the weak spots in the security system, and going full stealth mode to make sure he got away, he grabbed a dump truck, drove through the wall, and then tried to drive off.  

He came into this scam and he was swinging out of his heels. You want to charge five or ten bucks extra? That’s weak. Charge 350 bucks extra. That’s the money play. The real money is isn’t in a few bucks here or there, it’s in charging 35 times what the beer actually retails for. 

Nathan Collier went Sean Parker from The Social Network: “A million dollars isn’t cool. You know what’s cool? A billion dollars.”

And my man went all Florida Man to get that billion dollars in one beer transaction. Nothing but respect. Well, respect and handcuffs.

Memo to all 43 Dolphins fans in the Miami-Dade area: Next time you get the insane idea to go to a Dolphins game—just drop an anchor in the parking lot and watch the mobile strippers from Scarlett’s Gentlemen’s Club instead. Yes, that’s a real thing. And yes, the Dolphins' tailgates have featured real strippers in the back of pick-up trucks since Week 1 against the Ravens. And yes—the beer in the parking lot costs less than $724. And on top of all that—you don’t have to watch the Dolphins. Win. Win. Win.

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