Mike Leach

USA Today

Don't Ever Change, Pirate

Listen to the gears turning in my dude's brain.

November 14, 2018 - 1:42 pm

Last night, the College Football Playoff committee released its latest set of rankings. And if you were wondering how they'd use an hour of air time to break down rankings that remained the exact same as last week, I'll tell you how: By trolling the hell out of Notre Dame fans. 

If you want to see a domer's head explode, just tell them that Michigan deserves to be ranked ahead of them. Everybody knows a Notre Dame fan. Outside of saying Rudy Sucks, the only thing more insulting would be telling them that a Michigan team they handled in Week 1 without their star quarterback and without their starting running back -- deserves to be ranked ahead of them. 

I'd tell Domers to freak out, but Dino Babers is waiting for them this weekend in Yankee Stadium. That was supposed to be a home game, but Notre Dame moved it into the Orange's backyard. Handle 'Cuse, beat SC and you have anything to worry about, ND fans. Win out, and you won't have to worry about the committee TROLLING YOU at level infinity. 

Hell, instead of losing your mind about who gets to be fed into the Bama buzzsaw in the semifinals, maybe check out the pure gold Mike Leach laid down this week. 

The Pirate is 8-and-1. He's got a freaking rockstar at quarterback in Gardner Minshew. That dude's game is even better than his 'stache. And his stache is incredible. 

And while most coaches of an 8-1 playoff contender would be worried about the Pac-12 beating up on itself, the Pirate took time from his weekly presser to talk about the Pac-12 coaches LITERALLY beating up on themselves. 

Check this exchange out: 

Listen to the gears turning in my dude's brain. He's not just laughing off a fan question, he's literally going with a SWOT ANALYSIS of each of the conference's head coaches. 

Kyle Whittingham? That dude is a wagon. Herm Edwards? His cardio is outstanding. I half expected him to bust out some coaching tape on Mario Cristobal lighting suckas up with his "long levers" and Chip Kelly having an excellent ground game. 

Hell, the Pirate was even repping his own skills before getting in some low-key smack by calling some of the coaches "distance-runner looking guys." That is tremendous. 

Most coaches with one-loss are already trying to work the media and get their team in the mix for one of these playoff spots. My man is spending two minutes answering this question and it's barely the exchange of the presser. 

He sandwiched that answer between a take on REALTORS and what band he'd want to headline a hypothetical music festival. 

Does that sound like a dude worried about what the committee thinks about his team's body of work? Is the Pirate a guy who is gonna sweat a Troll Poll that doesn't matter until every game is played? Hell no. 

Nobody's trolling the Pirate. 

Don't ever change, Coach. And if you really want to spice up that coaches brawl, start with equalizers. Then shout out my man Joaquin and he'll have some tips for you.