Fauci's First Pitch

Get off this guy.

Jim Rome
July 24, 2020 - 10:27 am
Anthony Fauci

USA Today


The MLB season started last night in Washington. And in keeping with the way everything has gone for MLB over the last nine months, it was pretty weird. Starting with the fact that Juan Soto, one of the stars of the Nationals postseason run last year, was unavailable due to receiving positive test results earlier in the day.

As I mentioned yesterday when the news broke, a pro athlete, even a star athlete, testing positive for Covid should not be a surprise. That’s what happens when you’re playing baseball during a global pandemic. Aroldis Chapman was already out for the Yankees with a positive test.

On top of that, two Nationals players, Ryan Zimmerman and Joe Ross, opted out of playing this season due to health-related concerns.

And then you had the fact that the game, the first home game for the Nationals as reigning champs, was being played in an empty stadium. We all knew that was going to be the case, but it still felt weird as hell when it happened.

Just like it felt kind of weird when Giancarlo Stanton did this in the first inning with Aaron Judge on base.

He absolutely smoked that pitch from Max Scherzer. And then, with no fans around, the home run ball just sat there in the bleachers for a bit.

And it was a little weird in the bottom of the first when Adam Eaton did this off Gerrit Cole to a smattering of applause.

Just like it was kind of surreal to see Judge drive in Tyler Wade and hear nothing but a couple of players cheering.

And of course, this being baseball and baseball in 2020, you knew something had to go wrong on Opening Day. And it did.

Because in the top of the sixth, the game went into a rain delay. And you knew the moment they went into a delay, there was no way they were finishing. Not a chance. Not after this offseason.

They played for an hour and 43 minutes, waited an hour and 58 minutes, and then called it off. So it goes into the books as a 4-1 win for the Yankees and a complete game for Cole in his debut. And let’s not overlook the fact that while Scherzer gave up four runs, he still struck out 11 in five and a third.

So there are a bunch of things to talk about coming out of that game. Cole looking electric. Stanton coming out hot. The atmosphere of the empty stadium. I could go on.

But for some reason, the only thing most people are talking about from last night’s game wasn’t even part of the game. The thing that most people are talking about took place before the game.

I am, of course, referring to the first pitch, which was thrown out by Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases and a well-known Nationals fan.

I’m going to play the full introduction of Dr. Fauci and then the pitch, just so you ghouls have some perspective.

And the hack thing to do right here would be to just sit back and play a reel of terrible first pitches and then ask, where do you place that one? Just flat out clown the guy.

Is it ahead of the Mayor of Cincinnati and behind Mariah Carey or does it go straight to the top?

I’ll tell you where it goes on the list of all-time worst first pitches: nowhere.

It’s not on the list.

You’re right, it wasn’t the best first pitch ever. Somehow, this man of science defied the laws of science, and threw it from in front of the mound over to the first base line.  I don’t know what the hell that was. Or how the hell he got it closer to the dugout than to home plate. And no, it wasn’t awesome. But you know what? I love it.

I was pumped as hell to see that he couldn’t find the plate. Because my guy has much bigger things to be working on. We are in the middle of a global pandemic. The number of Covid cases have doubled in the last six weeks.

I’m glad he threw out a terrible first pitch. I’m fired up that it was hideous and looked like he’d never seen a baseball and had no idea how far 60 feet was.

Because when we’re in a pandemic, the last thing I want is the Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases touching 90 on the gun and painting the outside corner. I definitely do not want to hear about him going to Nationals Park every day with the team to build up his arm and work on his location.

So he didn’t hit 79 on the radar gun. He’s 79 years old. He’s been leading the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases since 1984. He’s been involved in the battle against HIV/Aids, SARS, Ebola, COVID and more.

So if you didn’t like his delivery or the fact that he didn’t come within 20 feet of the catcher, I’m sorry. That’s a you problem, not a Dr. Fauci problem. He has much bigger things to worry about. He threw that terrible first pitch and then went right back to saving lives. What did you do? Other than mock for allegedly making a mockery of the game. A lot of you dopes doing that need to look in the freaking mirror because while this guy is trying to saves you’re busy making mockery of your own.