Free LSU Grass

It took 120 seconds for crazed LSU fans to make away with 3,300 chunks of sod.

Jim Rome
December 03, 2019 - 9:59 am
LSU Tigers

USA Today

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The LSU Tigers are having a killer season. There is still plenty of work to be done, but they have put themselves in position to rip their first natty since ’07. Next up, the SEC title game with Georgia in the ATL. 

As far as scheduling goes—the home games for LSU ended this past Saturday with a 50 to 7 slaughter of Texas A&M. And since the Tigers won’t be back on their own field for months—the school has already started with their planned renovations of Tiger Stadium—renovations which include tearing up the grass to improve the drainage system underneath it.

All in all—over 3,000 slabs of sod were removed from the stadium. And instead of hauling it away to a compost dump—LSU school officials stacked them in a nearby parking lot and told fans to come grab a piece of history for free.

Qb JOE BURROW may rip the Heisman this year—but whoever decided to trick LSU fans into doing the university’s yard work for them deserves some kind of award, too. Because there is not a more heady play in the history of land excavation than re-branding slabs of dead grass as some kind of souvenir and making people drive in from all over the state to come and get it.

And if you think no one showed up yesterday to get their paws on some lawn divots—then you don’t know SEC football fans. Because the school advertised the giveaway to start at 4pm and a bunch of lunatics lined up as early as 10 in the morning. On a workday.

Imagine camping out in your rig for six hours just to ransack some pallets of sod. Imagine telling the boss you’re not coming in because there’s some patch of grass with your name on it. Given the amount of people who showed up yesterday—I’m sure everyone’s boss was also in that parking lot waiting to haul away LSU’s yard waste.

The event was scheduled to run from 4pm to 6pm—or until supplies lasted. According to WBRZ—who had nothing better to do than cover a dead grass giveaway—the event lasted until 4:02pm.

It took all of 120 seconds for crazed LSU fans to make away with 3,300 chunks of sod. And since there was only one parking lot attendant working the event yesterday—people just treated the pallets like a bucket of Halloween candy left out on the doorstep and took as much as they could carry.

The only thing better than LSU Jedi mind-tricking a bunch of Hank Hills into doing their yard work for them—was all the angry tweets from fans who didn’t get a piece of the field. 

Wall McKneely tweeted in disgust, “How could they be out at 4:02pm when they were supposed to start at 4! Now I have to fight traffic to get home!”

Kyle Crane thumbed out, “They only had one guy staffing the parking lot. What a mess!”

Ashley Clark wrote, “You have to be kidding me!! It’s all gone?!”

This might be my favorite giveaway ever. It has everything: Trickery, anarchy, under-staffing, poor organization, abuse of the honor system, and angry tweets from people who didn’t get free dead grass.

LSU should stop paying the city of Baton Rouge to empty their dumpsters at Tiger Stadium and just tell their fans they can come get some “history” from the trash bins out back every other week during the season. Clearly these weirdos will take whatever they can get.

The question I have now for the people who did make away with some sod…

What the hell are you going to do with it now? Frame it? Put it in a humidifier? Replant it? 

If there was any value to the slabs, you best believe the university wouldn’t have piled them in a parking lot and given them away from free. So you can go ahead and stop working on that Craigslist ad. 

It’s not the Berlin Wall, it’s not even a brick from Wrigley Field—its dead grass from a stadium and a field that still exist. Are you gonna line up for the discarded paint chips next time they throw a fresh coat on the goal posts?

Don’t answer that. It’s the SEC. Of course you are.

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