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Grow Up, Clones

Bo Rambler was a bum. So what?

March 28, 2018 - 12:48 pm

The Loyola Ramblers have a ton of “it.” Call it what you want: it, magic, momentum, swag, confidence, talent, belief, however you want to describe their mojo, you probably wouldn’t be wrong. Because they’ve just got so much at the moment right now. And that’s before we get to the fact that Porter Moser has been on the show three times and has done a killer interview three times. I take absolutely no credit for the run that the Ramblers are on. That’s all on Moser, Clayton Custer, Ben Richardson, Donte Ingram, Marques Townes, Sister Jean and the rest of the crew.

But it is with that in mind that I want to address something before you degenerates get to it. I want to cut this topic off at the pass. We are talking about the Loyola Ramblers, which raises the question: what is a Rambler? Well, their current mascot is a wolf. More specifically, Lu Wolf. Lu as in L-U for Loyola University. And I’ve got to say, Lu is pretty sharp.

But Lu wasn’t always the mascot. No, the previous mascot was, well, it wasn’t a wolf. It was a, well, let’s go to the Loyola University Chicago library website for a little history lesson. The school adopted the nickname of “Ramblers” back in the 1920s because the football team traveled a lot to play games, to the point that it was said that they were “rambling” around the country. And so they became the “ramblers.”

Great. I dig it. And in the early 1980s, the mascot’s name wasn’t Lu Wolf, it was Bo Rambler and the mascot costume included a giant human head with a shabby hat and scraggly beard, a suit jacket with a number of patches, and the mascot carried a briefcase. That’s right, because the name Bo was short for…hobo. Fan-freaking-tastic. I love it. The school’s mascot was a hobo. But wait, there’s more. Because according to the library website, in 1982,  “The athletics press packet for the season portrayed a bum rambling across the LU logo.” 

Yep. A bum. Their mascot was a bum. And that is fantastic.

What is not fantastic is the idea of you losers trying to dig up that historical fact and then using it as justification for the return of a certain type of humor on this show. That is not happening. That is why I am getting out in front of it. I am addressing this issue head-on. I’m getting it out in the open, shining the bright light of day on it, and celebrating the rich tradition of Loyola sports.

I will not be entertaining jokes about Loyola using garbage cans as basketball hoops or dumpsters as the team bus.

I’m not interested in hearing from you about how Loyola really “shares the rock” because they’re actually playing with a rock.

Just as when a Loyola player is dropping dimes, he’s setting up teammates, not scrambling for loose change.

And that they don’t rock shrimp as Bluetooth earpieces. Or worry about their cardboard house blowing across the street, Sara in providence. Or grabbing extra pizza boxes as luggage.

If they ever get called for three seconds, it’s because they were metaphorically camping in the key, not actually setting up a tent and sleeping.

I have said it before and I will say it again, there is nothing funny about chronic homelessness. Nothing funny about it at all. And a certain type of humor will never return to the show just because a team that used to have a bum as its mascot reached the Final Four. Loyola is awesome. You are not. Move along. See a theme or thread running throughout today’s show: its’ a sports show. Don’t take sports stories and ruin them for your own twisted angles and tired jokes. No one, anywhere, thinks it’s funny or belongs here. Most of all me: and last I checked my name was still on the marquee. No bum smack. Regardless of what het mascot used to be on what might be the best story ever.  Because it’s not their mascot anymore.