Hefty's Weight Cut

You do know there is no weigh-in prior to the Open Championship?

Jim Rome
July 15, 2019 - 11:06 am
Phil Mickelson

USA Today

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If it’s the lead-up to one of golf’s majors, that must mean that Phil Mickelson is looking to get headlines.  Looking to get people to look at him.   And sure enough, right on time, he’s posting a video to Instagram where he talks about, well, I’ll let him tell you himself.

Damn, Hefty.  I know boxers and MMA’ers constantly go through brutal weight cuts. But you do know there is no weigh-in prior to the Open Championship, right, Hefty?  Although in your case, there probably should be. By the way, dropping 15 pounds in 6 days doesn’t sound healthy at all.  Then again, when has this guy ever been a picture of health?  I keep waiting for elk to break out a story about the time hefty demolished an entire custard castle ala Monty!!

Hefty is looking to cut weight?  No way!! What are you going to tell me next?  That Tiger is cheap? That Tiger likes strange? 

Anyway, let’s dig a little deeper and see where this guy’s head is really at it. Regarding the vid, I’m not sure what I liked better – the start of that video or the end of it.

That said, nothing says “hey everyone, let’s get real for a few minutes” like hopping on Instagram to post a video where you say “hey everyone, let’s get real for a few minutes” and then talk about a six-day fast that includes a “special coffee blend for wellness.”

Special coffee blend for wellness? What, Flat Tummy Tea didn’t want any of that?

For sure I thought he was about to start pitching some of laxative disguised as tea. Or some other scam, errr remedy, that an influencer would be peddling, because that’s pretty much what he is these days, a social media influencer. And not much of one at that. But still better at that than he is golf. Because he’s had zero top tens in his last 12 events and missed the cut half the time he’s been out there.

He had that tie for 18th at the Masters and then followed that with 71st and 52 at the PGA and US Open.

His only game these days is his social media game and the game he plays where he announces something lame and everyone he has brainwashed into believing he’s something he’s not, gets excited and shouts, “Phil is back!”

Phil honks and people who laugh at his “Phireside” chats are just as bad as Tiger honks who get fired up about his 1am wakeup calls.

Like clockwork, before a tournament, Phil will come up with another reason why he hasn’t been winning, and his fans freak out, get all worked up, and then he bombs out of another tournament.

And this time, the announcement is that he’s lost 15 pounds on that six day fast.

So let’s talk about that for a second. In other words, “hey everyone, let’s get real for a few minutes.”

Let’s get real about this “hard reset” and the six day fast and allegedly losing 15 pounds.  How do we know it’s even true?  And if this is the guy saying it, shouldn’t we assume it’s not.  And if that’s the guy losing 15 pounds, would we even know it by looking at him?  I mean, drop in the bucket, right. 

And even if it is true, how is going to help?

Are you going to a golf tournament or your high school reunion? Are you a part of ESPN the mag’s body issue? The SI swimsuit issue? The hell…is the point in all this??

Why are you banging on about hitting control-alt-delete on your diet? Do you really think that’s going to make you a better golfer? Even he admits, he doesn’t know if it’s going to make him a better golfer.

You’re a five-time major winner. You’re also a black belt in martial arts, allegedly. And you haven’t had five percent body fat for any of that.

It’s not like this guy was Brooks Koepka and then turned into Craig Stadler. He’s been much closer to the Walrus all along. So why do this now.  Because.   His results: check them:

Missed cut
71st place
Missed cut
52nd place
Missed cut
Missed cut

And now, apparently, allegedly, reportedly, his meal plans include:

Missed meal
Missed meal
Missed meal

Again, none of this makes sense. Again, is it really going to make you a better golfer? He doesn’t know. Here’s what I know – maybe instead of working on that “special coffee blend for wellness,” you work on a special driving blend for accuracy.

Instead of dropping 15 pounds, how about you drop 15 shots?

I’m not saying you shouldn’t be healthy. You should absolutely be healthy. I’m saying have some greens on your plate and some greens in regulation too.

If you watched that video and thought, Phil is back, you’re as big a sucker as anyone who ever bought anything from an Instagram influencer. If you’re drinking that Kool-Aid, err, special coffee blend for wellness, you’re believing way too much hype.

Let’s see the results before we buy the hype.

In other words: “For now, let’s keep it real.”  You’ve always been hefty; so that clearly isn’t the problem.  But given how you’ve gone from one of the best to ever do it to one of the worst currently doing it and still got me to talk about you, I guess that’s something.  You have that going for you. Which is nice.