Hood's New Look

It will probably only get worse.

Jim Rome
September 24, 2020 - 10:10 am
Bill Belichick

USA Today

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It’s been roughly 24 hours since I first saw what I’m about to talk about and I still can’t believe it.  I mean, we know this dude. And we know his deal. And his look. So pretty much nothing about this dude should surprise me. But this dude. It shocked me. Damn near rattled me.

I’m talking about Bill Belichick’s look for meeting the press.

And yes, I know Bill Belichick isn’t exactly a clothes horse. I know I’m never going to run into the hood at David August’s show room like I might, Conor McGregor, who David dresses. Or Tommy Lasorda, who I actually did see there a number of months back. I’m not saying that. Hell, in general, with a few exceptions, NFL coaches are not exactly famous for their sharp looks. Tom Landry ain’t walking through that door with a coat and a fedora. I wish he were. Or that someone would. Can you imagine a head coach rocking a fedora on the sideline today: hell, not a head coach, but the Cowboys coach: Mike McCarthy rolling in with a fedora over his headset: big dude can pull that off. Hell, it would get us all to look away from the trainwreck on the field. But I digress. No, NFL coaches generally don’t look too sharp on the sideline. Except Mike Nolan; that dude look good. You know the old saying, look good, feel good, feel good, coach good. Coach good get paid good: no I didn’t’ make that up: I’m grammatically sound: I don’t speak like that; I’m just quoting someone else. In any event, NFL coaches don’t dress that sharply….except the hood: the hood is in a whole different league: that’s why he’s glossed the hoody: and dude really seems to revel in it: he seems to pride himself on being the worst dressed man in the world. 

So if I’m talking about something Belichick wore, you know how bad it has to be. Why waste time on the obvious. You know, like, water is wet, dot dot dot.  The sky is blue dot dot dot. The hood looks like a bum dot dot dot. 

Again, the hell do I care about how someone else’ dresses. It’s a pointless exercise. Like, who really cares?

Except those are the three words that Bill Belichick said when he looked in the mirror before going to meet the media yesterday: who really cares?

Because Belichick wasn’t just wearing his usual sweatshirt. This was a sweatshirt with cut sleeves. Of course. Because Belichick is always inviting you to the gun show.

But he was also inviting you to a couple other shows yesterday.

And a ripped neck. And numerous holes. And no shirt underneath.

If going commando is when you aren’t rolling with undergarments, Belichick was going upstairs commando. He was this close to giving the world a nip slip. And you know no was rooting harder for that than Janet Jackson. And Chael Jr.

And his hair was all messed up. It looked like he’d just been in a fight - a fight with fashion, and he got his ass kicked.

If the High Sparrow from Game of Thrones suddenly landed an NFL head coaching gig, that’s what it would look like. Belichick didn’t look like he was preparing for an NFL game, it looked like he was starting a cult. Or changing the oil on his car. Or both.

I mean, seriously, look at him yesterday. Does that look like the greatest NFL head coach in history? Does that look like a guy who’s at the top of his game or a guy who’s been living in the streets for the last five years? 

I know he doesn’t give a bleep about how he looks and neither should anyone else, because all he does is get results, but at the same time, there has to be some sort of standard, right?

Because he looks like he needs a wellness check. Because my man doesn’t’ look right.  Listen, I know his perverted errrr wealthy boss has essentially given the  guy total autonomy to do whatever the hell he wants in running the Pats, but Bob Kraft is a dude who dresses it up: damn Bill, I’m paying 10 mill plus a year, maybe you rep us with a shirt that hasn’t been destroyed by moths. 

And I know people are seeing that sweatshirt and saying, yes, that’s Belichick sending a message to his players and that message is, it’s game week.  Save it. What player is going to see that horrible look and say, hell yes, lock in, it’s game time?

I don’t want to make this all about Adam Gase, but you know his eyes were bugging out of his head when he saw that look from Belichick.  

And let me get out in front of this right now. I know what you’re thinking before you think it. Yes, Bill Belichick looks like he slept in his car. But no, he is not without a home. He has made a lot of money over the years, so. I’m sure he’s not using day-old muffins as buzzers in game of Family Feud.

So that means I don’t want to hear any of the following:

War Belichick using two croissants as ear muffs

War Belichick using shrimp as a Bluetooth

I know that sweatshirt is hideous, but there is no way Belichick is spending time during game week hollowing out blocks of Swiss cheese to wear as Crocs. And he’s definitely not rolling with a fortune cookie as a money clip. Or a pizza box as a briefcase and a slice of pizza as a necktie.

Nor is he using a tic tac box as an iPhone and or an etch-a-sketch as an iPad. If he wants to review plays, he’ll do it on a tablet, dummies.

It’s a terrible look and he should do something about it. But he won’t. And it will probably only get worse. So we’ve got that going for us, which is nice.