Joe Freaking Flacco

Joe Flacco plays by Joe Flacco’s rules.

Jim Rome
May 14, 2019 - 12:29 pm

Hey! You know who the quarterback of the Denver Broncos is? Joe Flacco. Check that, Joe Freaking Flacco.

And Joe Flacco is going to light it up this year. Says who? Says Joe Flacco, that’s who.

A lot of you dopes have been thinking that the Denver Broncos drafting Drew Lock in the second round last month means that Joe Flacco’s time is over and Joe Flacco is just there to mentor him.

Well, if you think that about Joe Flacco, you don’t know Joe Flacco. Because Joe Flacco is no one’s mentor. He’s not mentoring jack. 

As the Broncos started OTA’s yesterday, Joe Flacco was talking about the offense under Rich Scangarello and about his role in that offense. And as Joe Flacco sees it, Joe Flacco’s role in that offense is to kick ass.

And it sure as hell isn’t to mentor or teach someone else. If Drew wants to learn, he should listen to the offensive coordinator.

“Drew is going to learn from listening to him talk and then us getting the reps on the field and seeing how we all do it as a collective group of quarterbacks. Listen, I hope he does learn from me because that means we’re out there and we’re slinging it around and having a lot of fun. Because he’s going to learn by watching us do it and watching us do it well. That is how he is going to learn the timing and all of those things is to be able to see it on film and hear Rich talk about it with me and digest as much of that as possible. Like I said, I hope he does learn from me because that means we’re out there lighting it up.”

Translation: Hey, Drew, how much you want to make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains?

Further translation: If Drew Lock wants to learn, he can learn in one of two ways: talking to the offensive coordinator or watching me throw some sick dimes.

Because I sure as hell am not going to tell him how to be a quarterback.

You want Joe Flacco to be a mentor. Okay. Lesson One: Joe Flacco is still the best player in the league. Class dismissed.

You want Joe Flacco to teach? Joe Flacco’s gonna to teach these receivers how to catch lasers, that’s all the teaching Joe Flacco’s gonna do.

And I could not love that any more. Because that is so on-brand for Joe Flacco. That is so incredibly Joe Flacco. That is an elite Joe Flacco answer.

I love the fact that Joe Flacco showing up to OTA’s and talking about “slinging it around” and “lighting it up.” Because Joe Flacco isn’t exactly known for “slinging it around” and “lighting it up.”

He hasn’t thrown for more than 20 touchdowns since 2012. And in an NFL that is more wide open than ever and guys are putting up video game numbers as quarterbacks, Joe Flacco has thrown for more than 4,000 yards once in his career.

And he’s telling Drew Lock, hey y’all, watch this.

That is awesome. Drew Lock has the same number of 30 touchdown seasons in the NFL as Joe Flacco. And Drew Lock hasn’t played in the NFL.

Joe Flacco’s got moxie. The old rules say that the aging vet who was replaced by a rookie in one city and gets traded to a new team where they draft a new quarterback, is going to be the mentor. Joe Flacco says bleep your rules. This is the same guy who was talking about running onto the field in a Super Bowl to tackle a return man.

In other words, Joe Flacco plays by Joe Flacco’s rules.

But here’s the problem. About the only person who believes Joe Flacco on this is Joe Flacco. Of course we should all believe him that he’s not really interested in being a mentor. But nobody really believes he’s going to sling it around and light it up, right?

I mean, there’s no way that’s actually possible, right? I know he played in a somewhat buttoned up offense in Baltimore, but does anyone other than Joe Flacco think that Joe Flacco is suddenly going to become Joe Montana now that he’s in Denver?

There’s a reason the Broncos drafted another quarterback this year. And there’s a reason they drafted him in the second round. Because they don’t believe in Joe Flacco long term.

But Joe Flacco is about to shut all of you up with a series of short passes that don’t quite reach the first down marker.

Light it up, Joe Flacco. Light it the freak up