John Manziel

USA Today

John Football?

It's time for the rebrand.

April 09, 2019 - 10:50 am

The quarterback formerly known as Johnny Manziel wants you to know something very important. 

It's John now. 

That's right. Seven years after winning the Heisman. Four years after taking his last NFL snap. After unsuccessful stints in the spring league. And the CFL. And the AAF. 

NOW it's time for the rebrand. 

Comeback season is over. It's freaking PIVOT SEASON, baby. 

That's right. Pivot's making the Pivot. 

To John. 

And the only thing more ridiculous than dropping the Y is thinking people will actually care. 

Hey John, you do understand that just because you change your name, it doesn't change your past, right? 

Kinda like, just because you change the way you spell the word season, doesn't change the fact that you can't finish one -- in any league, let alone the NFL. 

I mean, part of me didn't even want to get into this.

Dude got chucked from an entire football league and country. Mrs. John Football just scrubbed the dude from her Gram Account. And now John thinks scrubbing the "knee" from the end of his name is going to be just what the NFL needs to give this dude another shot. 

Good luck with that. 

Look, if we're being honest, dude changed his name a long time ago. From Johnny Football to Johnny Idiotface. Then to Johnny Clipboard. And now it's basically John Freaking Suitcase.

If the goal is collecting gear from different professional football leagues, John's on the right track. If the goal is playing quarterback in the NFL, this dude is so far off the pace that he's making his ex's half-marathon look legit. 

Bottom line; this dude couldn't rip a job from Jeremiah Masoli in Canada. Then he got chucked from an entire football league for violating his contract. When it comes time for teams to kick the tires on potential back-up quarterbacks, I'm pretty sure they're going to be more concerned about that, than the fact that he shortened his first name. 

What this dude did in college was electric. What he's done since is straight depressing. 

I'm not rooting against him. Hell, I want this dude to live a healthy and productive life. Do it as Johnny, do it as John. Go by JP. Hell -- just cut the thing down to J. If it works for you, it works for me. 


But when it comes to playing quarterback, one thing is pretty obvious. John just might not be that good. 


And the only thing he’s worse at right now than football, is life. Focus on that, John.  Because right now, life is kicking your ass. Put your phone down… stop checking your online store… stop changing your name. And try to win today. Because that should be your only concern.