Kevin James To Play Sean Payton In Netflix Flick

What the hell?

Jim Rome
April 13, 2021 - 9:35 am
Kevin James

USA Today

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At some point in our lives we’ve all been asked the hypothetical question—if someone was gonna play you in a movie, who would you want it to be?

Well apparently no one asked my man Sean Payton. Or he was out to lunch when they did. Because someone is going to play New Orleans Saints head coach Sean Payton in a movie and there’s absolutely no one way he was involved in the decision process. 

Right now Netflix is set to start production on a film called Home Team which appears to be semi-biographical and will revolve around Sean Payton’s life when he was suspended for a year by the NFL for the Bountygate scandal back in 2012. 

You had me at Sean Payton. If Netflix wants to give my man the Hollywood treatment, I’m all in. 

Or at least I thought I was until I heard who’s gonna play him. Because the guy Netflix tapped to throw on the headset and hold the play sheet—is Kevin James?!

Kevin James?! AKA The King of the Queens?! AKA Paul Blart Mall Cop?! AKA Poor Man’s Chris Farley?!

And let me stop right there for a second. Let the record reflect there has never been a more unlikely, and harder to believe outkicking of the coverage than Kevin James and Leah Remini being married on a TV show. That never happens in a million years. 

Now I don’t mean to typecast the guy—but then again I didn’t. He did. When all you’ve done your entire career is play loveable, fat goofballs it’s hard to see the dude as anything else.

Maybe it’s me—but Sean Payton has never come off as a fat goofball. I mean sure, he was shredded during his cross fitting stage; and maybe he has put on a few since then.  But even on his worst day, no one would ever look at Payton and think FAT GOOFBALL.

And if I’m Payton I’m wondering how the hell they landed on Doug Heffernan to play me.

According to NBC Sports, Sean Payton is aware of the project and even read the script and made some corrections. Oh yeah? Well how about Netflix hands over the casting sheet and lets him correct that, too. Because I haven’t seen anything this egregious since some idiot picked Scott Stapp to play Frank Sinatra last year.

Look—I get it. Not everyone in sports can be as lucky as Billy Beane and have Brad Pitt play them in a movie. But there’s some precedent to do my man Sean Payton better than giving him Paul Blart. 

Will Smith played Muhammed Ali.

The late, great Chadwick Bozeman played Jackie Robinson.

Mark Wahlberg played Micky Ward.

Harrison Ford played Branch Rickey.

Hell—Tonya Harding was played BY Margot Robbie! If freaking Tonya Harding can wake up and see herself being portrayed by an absolute bombshell—then how come Sean Payton has to look at himself as Kevin James?

Watch Gregg Williams get Leo or Tom Cruise just too really drive a stake in Payton.

Believability is paramount to making a movie work. And unless the headset Kevin James is wearing is actually a beer dispensing helmet—and unless the laminated play sheet is actually a Denny’s menu—then I’m not believing anything from this flick.

Sean Payton deserves better. Because the only thing worse than getting suspended for a year from the NFL—is having to relive it as Kevin James.

Ben Affleck as batman can’t believe how much of a stretch Kevin James as Sean Payton is.