Kyrie Irving

USA Today

Kyrie Is Back On Team Globe

Forget about his knee, his brain is healed.

October 02, 2018 - 12:41 pm
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The Boston Celtics enter the NBA season with all sorts of hype. LeBron is out of the East. Gordon Hayward is healthy. Brad Stevens will finally have his starting five healthy for the first time since the five-minute mark of last season's opener. And the roster Danny Ainge assembled might be the deepest in the entire NBA. 

But if you're looking for the truest sign that this Celtics team is ready to make its run, look no further than the keynote speaker yesterday at the Forbes Under 30 Summit in Boston. That's where Kyrie Irving, NBA champ and 5-time All-star, publicly renounced the one label that has stuck to him like no other: FLAT EARTH TRUTHER. 

BOOM. Kyrie is back on TEAM GLOBE. Forget about this dude's surgically repaired knee. His brain is healed. And after giving whack answer after whack answer last year when asked about a conspiracy theory that's one of the dumbest ever, Kyrie sat down on stage and once and for all, took the tinfoil off his melon. 

My man, I'm sorry, but you're never going to shake this one. But I'll be straight, you coming clean and just owning this is a great first step. 

It is so much better for you to just come out and say that you were "huge into conspiracies, everybody's been there," than claiming you were conducting some social experiment, or claiming it was some sort of exploitation tactic, or a way to troll the media.  

Bro, it just made you look dumb. Period. You weren't trying to make people think. You were making people think you were stupid. And now that you owned it, you can get back to reminding people that you are also something else: Really freaking good at basketball.  

Because the Celtics need this dude. BADLY. I know Gordon Hayward coming back is a big deal, but a healthy and happy Kyrie is an even bigger deal. This is the guy that needs to run the franchise. 

Kyrie has a chance to opt-out of his contract after this season. And while everybody is talking about the gamble Toronto took with Kawhi or the Jimmy Butler trade backfiring on the Wolves, the Celtics might have heisted Kyrie out of Cleveland, but if they can't make him stick around, then they're right back where they started. 

So while most people are gonna have a good laugh about Kyrie coming back to team Longitude and Latitude, honestly, this could be about something way bigger. This is the guy who needs to lead from the front. And it's tough to do that when you're also the dude saying we faked the Moon Landing. 

I'm pretty sure The Hick from French Lick wasn't pushing the Illuminati on the Chief and Kevin McHale when they were stacking rings. Bob Cousy and Red Auerbach weren't getting the guys around the AM Radio to play them the latest secret message from alien civilization.

So welcome back to civilization, Kyrie. The World IS Round. 

Now stay healthy, STOP BEING A TRUTHER. And go win some basketball games.