Matt Pat Out In Detroit

13-29-1 doesn’t cut it.

Jim Rome
November 30, 2020 - 11:32 am
Matt Patricia

USA Today

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Ladies and gentlemen, the Matt Patricia/Bob Quinn Era is over in Detroit. And if I could borrow just one word from Matt Pat’s physical polar opposite, Brad Pitt, I’d say this toe-tagging was—inevitable.

And the final nail in the coffin appropriately came on Thanksgiving Day—where Matt Pat’s Lions got hammered by Deshaun Watson and the sub-500 Houston Texans.

Apparently Sheila Ford Hamp had seen enough. Quite literally, too—because the cameras caught the team owner with her face buried in her hands looking physically mortified at what was happening down on the field.

Do you know how hard it is to embarrass the owner—of the Lions?

So the Rocket Scientist is out. And he leaves the Lions with a 13-29-1 record as their head coach. The dude and his pencil behind the ear inherited a winning football team and proceeded to run it right back into the ground.

6-10 in year one.

3-12-1 in year two.

And canned dead in the middle of year three in last place.

The only thing worse than Matt Patricia’s colossally failed tenure as Lions head coach—is how damn happy everyone was to see him go. And when I say worse—I mean worse for him.

Detroit Fan actually reached into their pocket and started scratching checks to Deshaun Watson’s charity foundation as a thank you for boxing up the guy. And most of them donated 13 dollars as a tribute to the amount of wins Matt Pat racked up in his three years in town.

Now, it’s one thing for the fans to be happy he’s gone. It’s entirely another for the players. But they were pumped.

Wide-out Kenny Golladay did the 2020 version of taking a leak on someone's grave when he liked an Instagram post that reported the firing. Social media can be the best thing ever and it can be the worst thing ever. Having a star wide receiver thumb-up his coach’s body-bagging for the entire world to see falls into the best-ever category.

And that was two days after Matt Stafford refused to back Patricia when he was asked about his coach’s future. “It’s not my decision. That’s for somebody else. If you want to ask me about the game, you can ask me about the game.”

Stafford could have easily said after the Turkey Day curb-stomping that Matt Pat is their guy and they’re gonna play hard for him and try to finish the season strong. It’s cliché and it's a lie, but it would have passed the smell test. Instead, he’s out here making damn sure not to throw the coach any kind of life preserver at all: then again, why would he: Patricia had already two and a half years of his prime, Stafford was going to let him waste another second of it if he didn’t have to. 

Then there was the feature piece in Bleacher Report two weeks ago that chronicled how free agent players “celebrated their freedom from Matt Patricia at the end of the 2018 season with mimosas.”

You heard that correctly. Guys who played their last game for Patricia back in 2018, brought in orange juice, champagne, and some flutes—and went all Instagram Brunch Chick with it.

Imagine a locker room that has never ever seen a champagne celebration. Except for when free agents are pouring the bubbly because they know they don’t have to see the Rocket Scientist anymore.

The stories of how much guys hated playing for Patricia are endless. And that’s really saying something considering he was only there for two and half years. If you really want to see how bad it got—Google Darius Slay and Matt Patricia and see what Matt Pat told Darius in front of the whole team? I can’t even get close to repeating it on the radio. But it’s horrible. And Darius Slay, obviously, is a damn good job at his job and a damn good guy, two things no one anywhere will have say about FAT MATT PAT. 

So of course Darius hit social with the looking-eyes emoji over the weekend when Matt Pat got what was coming to him.

So it’s not just that Patricia got fired.

This is a terrible thing to say: but ever have a co-worker, or even a family member, that was so horrible a person, that when they died, you felt guilty that not only didn’t you know feel badly about it, but you were actually sort of relieved. And maybe not even relieved but actually sort of happy. That’s this. This guy gets broken off, and literally everyone is ecstatic about it: Fans and players alike. And it’s not hard to see why: he rolled into town, and immediately got off on the wrong foot. And it just got worse from there. Rolled into the D, with a backwards hat, a giant hobo beard, a pencil behind his ear, and all of the Belichick dictatorial style, with none of the Belichick cred.

And he took a Jim Caldwell playoff team and turned it into a last place squad in about three minutes flat. 

Now I have to figure out what I’m gonna remember most from the Matt Pat Era in the D. Because it sure as hell wasn’t the winning.

Maybe it was when he scolded a reporter for not sitting up straight. 

That was supremely rich coming from a guy who looks like Matt Pat.

Time to take that pencil out from behind your ear and start filling out the unemployment forms, Rocket Scientist.

Because 13-29-1 doesn’t cut it. And neither does being a total bleep-hole to everyone you crossed paths with. The only question now is who and how the Lions jack up hiring his replacement with.