Antonio Brown

USA Today

Mr. Big Chest To Buffalo Report

This is never gonna end.

March 08, 2019 - 10:01 am
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There had been a report from Adam Schefter that an Antonio Brown trade could come as soon as today. And then there was a report from Jim Rome that it could not come soon enough. 

The last two months have turned one of the most electric players into one of the most boring, annoying stories since Brett Favre’s annual retirement consideration. 

And then, shortly before midnight in Pittsburgh, Ian Rapoport tweeted: Sources: The #Steelers are closing in on a deal to send star WR Antonio Brown to the Buffalo #Bills. There it is.

There it is! There it freaking is. Antonio Brown to Buffalo. Mr. Big Chest to The Bright, Shiny, and Up And Coming City of Buffalo. Antonio Brown running routes in the Technology Corridor. 

And like that, it was over. Our national nightmare was over. And the Steelers GOT over. They just dumped him in Buffalo. You want out of here? You want to try to force us to trade you? Okay, where do you want to go? You want to go to San Francisco or Oakland? Maybe play with Kyle Shanahan and Jimmy Garoppolo? Or Jon Gruden and Derek Carr?

Let me ask you another question – do you like apples? Because you’re going to Buffalo. Mr. Big Chest!!  . 

How do you like them apples, Chest!!!! 

To quote my old man, whenever something really crappy happened, that he knew sucked for me, he’d blast me with How’s that grab ya!? We’re shipping your ass to Buffalo, Mr. Big chest! How’s that grab ya!!??

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not here to trash Buffalo, the Bills or Bills Mafia. I love Buffalo. And have always had Buffalo’s back and always will. And while everyone loves their team, I’m not sure there is a fan base in the NFL that is more passionate and more hardcore than the Bills mafia. It doesn’t matter how crappy they are or how brutal the weather is, they’re out there, fronting and repping their guys. Hard! And when things ARE good, there’s no better place to be. Did you see the reaction when they reached the playoffs? Did you see the love for guys like Kyle Williams? You show up, put in work, and you will be a legend there.

And The City of Good Neighbors IS on the rise. There’s the Electric Tower. The Buffalo Philharmonic. And don’t get me started on the time it was ranked number 25 on the list of mid-sized cities for art. Come on! 25th! Among mid-sized cities. They don’t just hand that crap out. You have to earn it. And Buffalo did! 

And Antonio Brown arriving only makes it better. What an incredible moment for the Bills and the Bills Mafia. 

Good for those fans and good for the team. Sure it’s a risk. Sure he’s been acting like a bag, but if you’re the Bills, you do this all day long. Hell yes, he’s worth the risk if you’re the Bills. They need playmakers. And they need a big-time receiver. And have needed one for a helluva long time. They needed a receiver so badly they traded for Kelvin Benjamin. That’s how badly they needed one. And they just got a Hall of Famer. The best receiver they’ve had since Andre Reed. I mean…When was the last time Buffalo had a receiver that mattered at all?

And for another plot twist, the Bills are scheduled to play in Pittsburgh at some point this season. Freaking drama! You can go ahead and circle that bleep when it’s official. 

Our national nightmare had ended. No more updates from Mr. Big chest on an elliptical telling everyone he had changed his name to Mr. Big Chest, and that’s how we should address him going forward. No more Mr. Big Chest, going on social every day to burn bridges or set what was left of his reputation ablaze. It was all coming to an end.  Thankfully. Mr. Big Chest was headed to Buffalo and we all could finally, just turn the page. 

Ahh…but it’s never quite that easy. Not with Mr. Big chest it’s not. And when the NFL’s Instagram page posted a report about the trade, there was someone in the comments. And that someone was none other than Mr. Big Chest himself, and his comment was the insanely tired and over done “fake news.”

No reason to panic. It’s still all good. Just Mr. Big Chest, doing Mr. Big Chest things.  I’m sure he didn’t’ want to go to Buffalo. But what the hell can he really say or do? They have his rights. He’s under contract. If he wants to ball, he’s going to have to do it in Buffalo. And just jumping into the comments section and calling it fake news, doesn’t change jack. Let’s not confuse you hating something with it not being true, MBC! See you in Buffalo Mr. Big Chest!!.

And then came this tweet from Vic Carucci about an hour after the initial tweet from Rapoport. And this tweet read: An NFL source says #Bills have inquired about Antonio Brown with the #Steelers, but no deal is imminent. In fact, another league source termed it "unlikely."

WHAT?!? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Talk about the ultimate record scratch. We could all finally get a good night of sleep knowing that this Mr. Big Chest nonsense had finally been put to rest. Only to wake up, and discover we’re right back where we started. Nothing had changed! 

The ULTIMATE RUG RIP!! THE WORST SINCE that MMA announcer completely butchered the winner of the fight. (‘SCUSE ME, MY BAD!)

You know what’s worse than being shipped to Buffalo. Not being shipped to Buffalo! 

And then this morning the Bills put out an official statement: “We inquired about Antonio Brown on Tuesday, and kept talks open with the Steelers. We had positive discussions, but ultimately it didn’t make sense for either side. As great a player as Antonio Brown is, we have moved on and our focus is on free agency.”

Holy crap! It’s not over. Mr. Big chest isn’t a Bill. And apparently never was going to be. 

According to show legend Jason La Canfora: Any chance of an Antonio Brown trade to the Bills tell apart because the player would not commit to going to Buffalo. By the time the report came out the deal was dead

JLC had more: Brown was unwilling to go to Buffalo, period. Wasn’t even a matter of money at that point. So the deal fell through. Steelers and Bills had stopped talking and both sides had moved on. Market for Brown is pretty bleak right now.

Damn. Here we are! Here the bleep we are!! Now what?!? 

Where do the Steelers go from here? The market wasn’t good to begin with and it’s even worse now. Do the Steelers give him what he wants and cut him? Or do they trade him out of spite, even if they know they’re going to get very little for him? Because you know that a team like the Raiders is going to be there, and if they’re smart, they’ll offer Pittsburgh next to nothing. 

And what does Brown do? Come to find out he does have some leverage. The leverage that comes with, saying oh hell no: I’m not going there. And actually meaning it and backing it up.

This thing went from being over to NEVER GONNA END. And the Steelers and Mr. Big Chest are right back where they started. A team and a receiver that are so much better off together but more busted up and broken than ever before. Someone tell me when it’s over, because I’m not talking about it again until it is.