Bryce Mitchell

USA Today

Nastiest Story Ever

You might not know the name Bryce Mitchell—but you’re about to know his pain.

August 22, 2018 - 11:46 am

You might not know the name Bryce Mitchell—but you’re about to know his pain. Because the 23-year-old undefeated MMA fighter known as Thug Nasty—just endured the most gruesome injury I’ve ever heard of. And honestly, this is something I could have gone the rest of my life without knowing. Because it’s impossible not cringe after you hear this firsthand account of what this kid accidentally did to his junk.

No set up will do this justice, so I’ll just go ahead and read straight from his Instagram post. And, look, I know a bunch of you might be sitting down to lunch, or you’re about to go to lunch, or you have to plans to eat lunch at some point again in your life. If you’ve got a weak stomach—consider this the first time in my career that I’ll actually encourage you to leave the show for a few minutes. Because Carson Meyer’s 25-inch tape worm thinks this story is gross.

You’ve been warned. 

Here we go. Straight from Bryce Mitchell’s I.G. post:

“So I was gonna train today but I ripped my nutsack in half. I’m about to get stitched up. I was holding a board over my head with a drill in my pants. I was sizing up the board and the drill went off and tangled my nuts up in it. I dropped the board and reversed the drill and untangled my nutsack but they were ripped in half. I’m serious, too. LOL. I obviously can’t post a pic. But when my nuts are sealed back up, I’m gonna come train again. I think a high kick would re-rip them. Haha. And if I hear any bleeping puns about how this whole thing is nutty or screwed up, I ain’t talking to you for about a month. If you’re gonna drop a pun to make fun of me at least put some thought into it. LOL.”

Somewhere deep in the heart of Michigan, Tim the Tool Man Taylor is grunting in pain. 

I don’t know what’s more amazing. The fact this dude is still alive—or the fact this dude dropped two LOL’s and a “haha” in a post about getting his scrotum tangled up in an electric power drill. I’ll say this before I say anything else. I absolutely love that he checked you before I had to. He won’t talk to you for a month if you respond with a bad pun and I won’t read you on this show for a month if you respond with a bad pun. How’s that grab ya?

Look, we’ve all missed the nail with a hammer before and blasted our thumb. But who the hell has ever had a Black & Decker damn near castrate them? This really is the worst injury I’ve ever covered and I’m the same guy who talked to Devin Powell about rupturing his testicle in February. Of this year.

What is it with MMA guys and these kinds of mishaps? And what’s with their lighthearted reactions? 

If that happened to me—you’d never hear from again, let alone read about it on Instagram. But here’s Bryce Mitchell recounting the whole thing and posting pictures of blood stained boxer shorts laid out on a hospital bed. Good on the underwear company Me Undies to jump in his mentions and offer some free replacements—but how about Big 5 or Sports Chalet slides in with free cups for life? Or how about a power drill company sends him a tool that’s not gonna get loose and put my man’s package in a vice?

No wonder this kid is undefeated. Who the hell is knocking this guy out or getting him to tap? A damn power drill putting his scrotum into a spin a cycle couldn’t do it.

The heavy weight champ of boxing used to be known as the baddest dude on the planet but as of yesterday that gloss belong the 110th ranked featherweight. 

Bryce, my man—my sincerest get well soon to you ever. And next time—call a handyman. Or a get a tool belt. Or wear a cup. Do anything but a put a live wire drill next your sack.