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NFL Schedule Release Guy

The NFL released its 2018 schedule last night and DAMN, IT’S LIT!!

April 20, 2018 - 11:02 am

The NFL released its 2018 schedule last night and DAMN, IT’S LIT!! Philly opens up with Atlanta at home on September 6th. Pittsburgh has five division opponents in the first nine weeks of the season. The Niners could be playing a bunch of prime time games. And Ed Sheeran’s tour dates apparently had a huge impact on the NFL’s dates.  

So what I’m going to do right now is run down each team and their schedule and then start picking the winners of each game. And we’re going to start in the AFC East with the Buffalo Bills, who open up at Baltimore. The Bills are coming off their first playoff appearance…

 – you know what, I can’t do it.

Because as soon as the schedule was released, people started trying to break it down and pick the winners and losers. I’ll keep it simple: the losers are the people who spent last night predicting wins and losses or meaningful late season matchups.

You can’t sit here in April and say, the Eagles are going 14-2 because I like how that Week 9 bye sets up for them. Because last April nobody was predicting Carson Wentz was going to destroy his knee late in the season. And that Nick Foles was going to come in and play like a Joe Montana, Terry Bradshaw, Dan Marino, and Tom Brady all rolled into one, in the playoffs and win the Super Bowl. 

That’s the whole point of the NFL – no one has any idea what’s going to happen in the regular season. That’s why every weekend matters so much, because so much can change on any given Sunday.

If you think that Pittsburgh playing five division games in the first nine weeks is a good thing in April, you’re crazy. If you think Pittsburgh playing five division games in the first nine weeks is a bad thing in April, you’re crazy. 

Yes, Seattle’s traveling a lot this year. Surprise – they travel a lot every year. This is worse than normal, but hardly a red letter day. Sure, the Packers look like they have a tough schedule with road games in Seattle, New England, and Minnesota. But Seattle might not be Seattle anymore, someone was just trying to convince us that Tom Brady hasn’t committed to play this year, and Minnesota has a new quarterback.  

The Broncos beating the Chargers in Week 1 last year seemed like it was big, until it wasn’t a few weeks later. 

The schedule release should be used for one thing and one thing only – planning a road trip to see your team in an opposing stadium. Nothing more than that. It is for informational purposes only. So you can set your calendar. 

For the last decade or so, the only predictions you could safely make in April is that the Patriots would win the AFC East and the Browns would be garbage. And right now, I’d only make one of those picks with any certainty right now. 

Quick, what were the predictions for Jacksonville at this time last year? I guarantee it wasn’t a playoff spot and a trip to the AFC Championship game. And I guarantee nobody was picking them to face Buffalo in the wild card round. 

And how about the Rams? They won 4 games in 2016. Was anyone looking at their schedule last April and saying, yep, this has a double-digit win season written all over it? Hell no. And while they look like they’re building a juggernaut right now, we have no idea what will happen from May to September. Or September to December. That Week 17 games against San Francisco could be super important or not even remotely interesting. 

That’s why the NFL is great. Because you CAN’T predict it. Before the start of this MLB season, you probably had a pretty decent idea of who’d make the postseason. In the NFL, you have no idea. That’s why it’s so  great. That’s why everyone’s hooked on it. Because you can’t predict it.  Oh and because suckas get snot-bubbled every Sunday. That too.

That’s the truth. And here’s another truth: it’s April. We haven’t even had the draft yet. I know you’re starving for football. I get it. I really do. Because even though it’s been just over two months since the last NFL game, it feels like it’s been two years. So even the slightest bit of football news feels like a gallon of water when you’re dying of thirst. 

But treating the schedule release like some sort of prediction machine is like treating that groundhog like a weatherman. It’s a wacky tradition, but don’t read anything into it.  

Because if you think that schedule release tells you anything more than which team is playing which team on which day, you’re begging.