Bobby P Is Back In The News

Before there was Hugh Freeze in his hospital bed, there was Petrino and his motorcycle.

Jim Rome
September 10, 2019 - 11:57 am
Bobby Petrino

USA Today

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Here’s a name that I haven’t mentioned on the show in a while: Robert Patrick Petrino. Bobby Petrino. Bobby P.

Before there was Hugh Freeze and his hospital bed slash dental chair, there was Bobby Petrino and his motorcycle. And his neck brace. And his face. Or what was left of it. And the pavement.  In other words… The freaking GOAT.  Y’all remember that? Who could ever forget it? Who would ever want to forget it???

Anyway, ol Bobbo was back at the scene of his freakier… in Arkansas yesterday at the Little Rock Touchdown Club and it was one hell of a scene. According to reports, it was a sold out crowd of 700 and the tickets were gone in 24 hours. That is awesome. Sellout crowds? Tickets gone in less than a day? That’s like Metallica or Bruce Springsteen going on tour. Then again, Petrino is the Boss.

And it was everything I would’ve hoped it would be: I got everything I wanted out of it, including an apology.

If that round of applause seemed to go on kind of long, that’s because it did. Because it was a standing ovation.

My man, did you also apologize to the pavement for leaving half your face on it?

What an incredible moment for a legend who has given all of us so many great moments. Like when he bailed on the Atlanta Falcons for the Arkansas Razorbacks and did it in the middle of the season by leaving notes in his players lockers. And then when he got into that motorcycle accident that ended his time in Arkansas.

He shredded his face and the Razorbacks dreams and yet somehow, miraculously still comes back to get a standing ovation. It does not get better than that.

Actually, it does, because if you recall how Petrino left Arkansas in the first place, it gets even better. If you remember, Petrino was canned back in 2012, it wasn’t because he was losing games. It was because he lost control of his motorcycle on a road in rural Madison County and shredded his face on the concrete.

And then showed up at a press conference in a neck brace with one of the most hilarious cases of road rash ever. And when asked if he was alone on the motorcycle, he said he was. Turns out, he wasn’t.

Nope.

Bobby Petrino, married father of four, had his mistress, a former volleyball player with whom he was having an affair and then hired, on the back of his bike. And tried to cover it up.

Because that’s something you can do. You can just hide a person who was on the back of a motorcycle in an accident. And then show up to a press conference with a neck brace and severe burns to the face and everyone will be cool with it.

This cat was so incredible, he even spent time at the press conference talking about what he’d been doing before the accident. And according to him, he was at Beaver Lake with his wife, Becky, and they talked about whether he should wear a helmet.

“The ironic thing is that we are sitting there in the kitchen, Becky and I, and I have two helmets out. And I say, ‘This one is really going to be heavy and hot, and this one makes me look like a conehead. I think I’ll just go with the hat.’”

Great call, Bob. Wearing the helmet makes you look like a conehead. Shredding your face makes you look awesome.

And while he didn’t put on the helmet his head, he did put his mistress on the bike. And then lied about it to his employers and then only told the truth when the police report was about to come out. And then got fired.  

That is absolutely awesome. The guy leaves half his face and all of his mistress on the pavement in Arkansas, lies about it, and comes back a few years later to get a standing ovation. Absolutely amazing. Truly the best.

And if you think I’m using this as an opportunity to revisit those legendary photos of him as the press conference where his face is as bright as his Arkansas jacket, you’re wrong.

Because I’m also bringing it up to bring back one of the best quotes in the history of sports. No, one of the best quotes in the history of life! 

Vikings head coach Mike Zimmer, who was Petrino’s defensive coordinator in Atlanta, told the Cincinnati Enquirer back in 2010 that Petrino is "a gutless bastard. Quote that. I don't give a bleep." And when told the paper couldn't print the word bastard, he said, "How about this - gutless MF. You can use that." 

That is maybe the greatest quote ever. Told that you can’t say “gutless bastard” in the paper, Zim goes with “gutless MF.”

And he’s not wrong. But that hasn’t stopped Bobby Petrino from being Bobby Petrino. Or people for giving him standing ovations.

As always, the moral of the Bobby Petrino story is: it’s not how many times you get fall off your bike with your mistress attached, it’s how many times you get back up. And if you get back up, you…and what’s left of your face are going to get a standing ovation.  The question isn’t why Arkansas invited this guy back but why didn’t they do it sooner.  Hell, the way they’re acting, you wonder why they even fired this guy in the first place.  He should run this whole thing back again today, only this time ride into the T.D. club on his hog, rocking that big ass plastic neck brace with half his face scraped off. Because it will never ever get better than that. Just ask Arkansas fan: they love him for it.