Bring Dwight Back To La La Land

The Lakers are planning to work out Dwight Howard.

Jim Rome
August 21, 2019 - 11:44 am
Dwight Howard

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There’s an idea that’s been floating out there for a little while, but I’ve been ignoring it. It started in the aftermath of the DeMarcus Cousins injury. And then gathered a little momentum over the weekend and then seemed to fade for a moment.

And then came this tweet from Woj:

Sources: Lakers planning individual workouts to evaluate centers Joakim Noah, Dwight Howard and Mo Speights this week in Los Angeles. Another consideration currently overseas: Marcin Gortat. Lakers want a window into physical condition and mindset of a potential addition.

That’s right. There it is. The Lakers are planning to work out Dwight Howard.

I repeat: there is the possibility of a Dwight Howard return to the Lakers.

And I, for one, am here for it.

Don’t get me wrong. I have absolutely no idea if wacky Dwight has anything at all left in the tank. Or what he brings to the team or how he and LeBron would get along…I just know I need to see it. I need to see the Lakers run this back again. 

Let me pause for a moment and take a moment to address all you dopes who are clowning the Lakers for needing to work out those guys. All of you people who think it’s a sign that the Lakers have fallen on hard times that they have to work out 34 year old Jo Noah and Mo Speights of the Chinese Basketball League.

That’s what happens when one of your plans at center blows out his ACL in late summer. You have to go to a backup plan. Or a backup, backup plan. And that’s what this crew is.

As whack as that Lakers front office is, even they’re not saying, Dwight or Jo are the guys who are going to put us over the top.

Nobody is walking around Staples saying, if we can sign The Polish Hammer, we’ll hang another banner.

They need a large human being to absorb some minutes. And there are a limited number of those guys on the face of the earth. So you have to work out the guys who are available. And these are the guys who are available. And they are available for a reason.

Then again, they might shake it up and go with someone younger, fresher, and more athletic. You know, like, who is already on their roster. Someone like, I don’t know… Anthony Davis. Because Davis can play the five. And does it better than just about anyone else in the world.

Only problem with that is….he just doesn’t want to. You know that whole, whatever you need from me coach, I’m here. You need me at the 4? I love it. You need me bring the ball up the court: I’m here for that too. You need me at the 5 to bang down low with all the other killas we’re going to need to go through to get that ring. Oh hell no! I ain’t doing that.  

And you sure as hell know better than to ask me to do that, asst. Coach Frank Vogel. Did you run that crap by head coach LeBron James. Yeah, that’s what I thought. Y’all let me know who you’re bringing in run with Bron and I and Kyle, to play the five, because you know none of us are doing it. 

So obviously LA needs a big to take up some minutes. They could go with an unproven talent or someone from the G-League, but if I had it my way, they aren’t going G-League, they’re going D-12.  

Sure, there are questions about his health. And his defense. And his ability to work with teammates.

And there’s the fact that the next team he plays for will be his fifth team in five seasons – which is insane when you consider how his career started

This guy was an 8-time All-Star, 5-time first team all-NBA, 3-ime defensive player of the year, slam dunk contest winner, 5-time rebounding champ. That is a Hall of Fame resume.

How big was Dwight? He released a kid’s album. And it included a cover of Smash Mouth.

I mean, did that really happen?

How did a guy go from releasing kid’s albums and battling for MVPs to getting August workouts in the hopes of catching on with a team?

Because when things went bad, they went horrible. There’s a reason that he’s available in August, along with guys like Jo Noah and Mo Speights.

So I don’t know what he could offer the Lakers. But I know there’s nobody else in the game who can drop a quote like this one from his introductory presser in Washington last year:

“I learned Magic for eight years. Went to La-La Land. Worked for a while with Rockets. Learned to fly with some Hawks. Got stung by the Hornets….through all of that it’s taught me how to be a Wizard.”

Corniest line every from one of the cheesiest guys ever. And it’s aging beautifully….just like the dude himself.

Bring that to LA. Run it back again. Bring the quotes. Bring Smash Mouth. Bring all the corniness: I’ll pick the big fella up myself at the airport… Let’s do this. Why the hell hasn’t this happened yet? What are you waiting for?