Jerruh Has Jokes

Another day and another update on the Cowboys and their contracts.

Jim Rome
August 20, 2019 - 11:57 am
Jerry Jones

USA Today

Categories: 

Another day and another update on the Cowboys and their contracts. Actually, a couple updates. And of course, they’re all coming from the same guy – Jerry Jones.

The last time we heard from Jerrah on the contract situation, he was talking about severed hands and guys bleeding out in the wilderness.

This time, he isn’t talking about fatal car accidents, or folks bleeding to death, alone after a fiery wreck. But someone is still going to get burned.

Let’s go back to Saturday night and the fact that Cowboys rookie running back Tony Pollard rushed for 42 yards and a touchdown on five carries against the Rams in Hawaii.

After the game, Jerry was asked about whether Pollard was his best negotiator when it came to dealing with Zeke and Jerry Jones went Jerry Seinfeld.

HEY-OOOOOOOOOO!

My guy just turned Aloha Stadium into the Chuckle Hut. Is this an exhibition game or open mic night at Flappers in Burbank?

Jerry is absolutely slaying them.

I’m just shocked that gramps didn’t just drop the mic and walk off on that: But seriously folks, that’s all from me. You’ve been a great audience. Don’t forget to tip your waitresses. And try the veal!

It’s a good thing nobody in that press gaggle was drinking water or there would’ve been spit takes going everywhere.

Except, at least two people didn’t find that hilarious joke to be that funny, the two people it was directed at  – Ezekiel Elliott and his agent. 

Chris Mortensen tweeted:

It drew a few laughs but neither Ezekiel Elliott nor agent Rocky Arceneaux found Cowboys Jerry Jones' quip "Zeke who?" as amusing. Arceneaux: "I didn't think it was funny and neither did Zeke - we actually thought it was disrespectful."

Uhh, lighten up fellas. It’s not a shot at Elliott and it’s shouldn’t have any impact on negotiations. It’s a joke. Just not a very good one.

Can you imagine seeing that joke and being bothered by it, let alone feel disrespected by it?  

The only thing offensive and disrespectful about that joke was that it wasn’t funny…at all. And yet somehow, it still brought the house down. It must be awesome to be so rich that you can say something that lame, and folks react like it’s the funniest thing ever.  That crew is acting like they just saw Dave Chappelle, not Jerry Jones.

And by the way, not to get too scientific with it, but the whole point of the joke, the thing that makes it funny, is the acknowledgement that Tony Pollard is nowhere near the running back that Ezekiel Elliott is. If people actually thought that after one exhibition game Tony Pollard really was on the same level as Ezekiel Elliott, they wouldn’t be laughing.

Instead, they’re reacting like they’re going to need their sides stitched back together.

But that wasn’t the only recent update from Jerry on the contracts. Because it’s not just about Ezekiel, it’s also about Dak Prescott. And this update is going to be tough to hear for all of you who think that Prescott doesn’t deserve to be paid like a top tier quarterback, because someone disagrees with you.

And that someone is that cold comedian who’s going to be the one stroking Dak’s checks… Jerry Jones.

“A lot of people question whether Dak is one of the guys who need to be in the top tier. I have never questioned that. That is what this is showing you. I don’t think there is any doubt that he is at the top level of paid quarterbacks. There is no question in my mind about that. Now how we make this all fit to have the best team around him, that is what we are trying to work on.”

So, that should answer that question and end that bar-gument. Dak Prescott is a top tier quarterback.

Now, history has shown us that Jerry isn’t exactly the greatest evaluator of quarterbacks. Back in the day, he described Brandon Weeden as "a thing of beauty on throwing a football. His passing motion and his arm, frankly, you won't see a more gifted passer, power, accuracy, the entire aspect of it.”

That is one of the all-time great quotes and one of the all-time least accurate descriptions of a quarterback. But in this case, the guy who would benefit the most from arguing that Dak is not a top tier quarterback, is saying that Dak is a top tier quarterback.

And he didn’t misspeak. He circled back to underline it again, saying that he is “at the top level of paid quarterbacks.”

Which is only going go to piss off Ezekiel Elliott even more than he already is; because what Jones is saying is, Dak is not only more important to us than you, Zeke, he’s better at what he does than what you do. And quarterback will always be more important than running back. And whereas we have Tony Pollard in the event you don’t want to show, and we’ll be fine, we’re screwed without Dak. So stop acting like a moskita that’s been circumcised, grab the pen, and sign on the line which is dotted because that train is pulling out of the station, and we’re going to the Super Bowl with or without you.

All right. So maybe that’s not exactly what he said. But I guarantee that’s exactly what Elliott and his agent heard. And for the last time, what you think Prescott deserves or doesn’t deserve is immaterial. Hell, whether or not he’s a top tier q.b. or not is immaterial. It’s not about what he’s done as much as it is his turn. His turn to get paid.  And he will. Jerruh just said as much.