The Summer Of Alex Caruso

LA is a Caruso town.

Jim Rome
September 04, 2019 - 12:04 pm
Alex Caruso

USA Today

Categories: 

Now that Labor Day has passed, the kids are back at school, and we’ve reached the unofficial end of summer, we can finally make a few conclusions about summer.

If you’re looking to determine the song of the summer of 2019, it’s pretty hard not to go with Old Town Road, since that was permanently parked on top of the charts. You could not go anywhere without hearing about horses in the back.

And in sports, there were so many different stories to pick from – the US women winning the World Cup, Kawhi and PG coming to the Clippers, KD and Kyrie going to the Nets, Anthony Davis coming to the Lakers, and more.

But when I think back on the summer of 2019, I’m only going to think about one thing: Alex Caruso.

The Summer of 2019 was the Summer of Alex Caruso.

Forget the Lakers bringing in Davis, the biggest story of the Lakers offseason has been the transformation of Alex Caruso.

Some of you losers looked at him last year and clowned him as a guy who should be working at the Staples Office Supplies, not the Staples Center. One of you dopes glossed him “Steve Blake’s dad.” And all he did was dominate.

Undrafted out of Texas A&M back in 2016, he played in the G-League, saw a little action with the Lakers in 2017-2018, and then he broke out in a huge way last season.

15 points, six boards in his first serious action of the year back in March. Double-digit points in four of five games in mid-March. 23 points, 6 assists, 4 steals, and 3 boards in the final game of March.

And then came April. The month of Caruso.

15 points, 7 assists in a revenge game against the Thunder, the team that used to hold his rights.

And then closing out the season with three straight double-doubles including this masterpiece against the Clippers:

32 points, 10 rebounds, 5 assists. My guy looked like Magic Johnson out there. You losers who thought he looked like he should be running a staff meeting at rental car agency were looking like fools as he was running the court like an absolute boss.

No wonder Jason Kidd wanted that assistant job with the Lakers – he wants to coach Caruso.  Hell, he wants to learn from Caruso.

And if you’ve forgotten about Caruso over the summer, I suggest you remedy that. I suggest you take a look at the weight room pics that surfaced on social media recently.

Holy bleep. Caruso has been doing work. That is a warning to the NBA and the warning reads: look the hell out.

If I’m a sportsbook in Las Vegas and I see those pics, I’m immediately taking down all NBA lines. The season is over before it begins. The question isn’t whether the Lakers will win a title, it’s whether they will ever lose a game.

The dude is absolutely shredded. You could grate cheese on those abs. To borrow a line from GQ back in the day, Caruso was “all thick polygons and smooth flat planes and inescapable corn-fed handsomeness.

If he had been wearing a billowy white shirt and loose fitting jeans that would “somehow only underscore the solidity of his bulk, like a tarpaulin draped over a concrete pylon.”

He is in crazy shape. And I know some people, even Caruso, are saying those are photoshopped. I’m not buying it. Don’t hate on the guy just because he’s in better shape than you.  

And Caruso, there’s no reason for you to be modest. I know you’ve got a Clark Kent-Superman thing going on where you want people to think you’re normal and just like the rest of us, but we know the truth. We know you’re not from this planet, so don’t play it off like it’s a photoshop.

Sure enough, as soon as those pics broke twitter, Caruso received something from the league. And went to social media with it, posting:

Last week: photoshopped weight room pic of me surfaces of social media

This week: random offseason drug test.

Nah, Alex, that wasn’t about those pics. The league isn’t testing you because they saw those pics. They’re testing you because they saw this highlight reel the Lakers tweeted out.

Is LA a Clippers Town or a Lakers Town? It’s a Caruso town.