The Ultimate Hospital Job By The Cards

Humiliating loss for the Braves.

Jim Rome
October 10, 2019 - 12:30 pm
St. Louis Cardinals

USA Today

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Yesterday was a day for seamheads. All day long, there was the hype: two game 5s. Two elimination games. But everyone was wrong.

Because there was one game and one organized batting practice. I don’t know what the hell happened in Atlanta yesterday, but it wasn’t a baseball game. Game 5 was not a game.

And Dodger fans, if you’re feeling snake-bitten, don’t mention that to anyone from Atlanta. Because they’ll run off their rap sheet: check out this resume:

Blowing a 2-0 lead in the World Series

Blowing a 28-3 lead in the Super Bowl

Eugene Robinson

Bobby Petrino

The Atlanta Thrashers

And now you can yesterday to that list. Before I get into it, Atlanta, you did know there was a Game 5 yesterday, right? And that the game would start at roughly 5pm your time?  You may have known, but your team sure as hell didn’t. Because I have never seen a play by play like this in the first inning of winner-take-all game:

WALK
SAC BUNT
SINGLE
SINGLE
FIELDERS CHOICE
WALK
DOUBLE
INTENTIONAL WALK
WALK
DOUBLE
DOUBLE
FLY OUTSTRIKEOUT (REACHED ON WILD PITCH)
GROUNDOUT

When the smoke cleared and the dust settled, it was 10-0 Cardinals before Atlanta had even gotten into the batter’s box.

All that fire and passion the Cardinals had after Yadier Molina had the game-winner in Game 4 and then fired his bat into the bullpen? That carried over to the first inning last night.

You want to know how bad it was for Atlanta? Their starter was pulled after one third of an inning. But that doesn’t do it justice.

It gets worse. And more humiliating.  

St. Louis brought in Harrison Bader to play centerfield for the bottom of the first. In other words, the Cardinals made a defensive substitution, before they’d played defense. I repeat: the CARDINALS MADE A DEFENSIVE SUB BEFORE THEY PLAYED DEFENSE. After one half inning, they were already looking to close down the game.

And to answer the question: no, that wasn’t a choke job by Atlanta. That was the ultimate hospital job by the Cards. 

As Atlanta manager Brian Snitker said: "I don't know that I’ve seen that many guys hit in the first inning that quick in my entire life. I don't know. It wasn't how we drew it up. I know that. I don't know. That thing just kept rolling and we couldn't stop it."

How bad was it? Cardinals’ player Jose Martinez said: "I had to come inside and get a cup of coffee because I said this is going to be a long night for them. They played a good series. We had a great inning."

How sick is that burn.  . We’re beating you down so badly, I had to go blast some Joe because this is going to be a loooong ass night.

And they weren’t done after that first inning. They went up 13-0 after the third inning. As Cardinals manager Mike Shildt said, "It was never enough runs, man. Just keep eating, boys, keep going, which we did. I love the fact we added on after that and the next couple of innings as well. As far as that goes, this is a very present group, just kept right there, pitch to pitch."

“Just keep eating, boys” should be their new mantra, their new hashtag. But that wasn’t the best thing said by Shildt after the game. Not even close. I’ll get to that in a second.

But before I do, when it was 13-0, the game should’ve just been called. Go to the mercy rule. Send everyone home. We’re good. No need to further the humiliation. 

The rest of the game was just about getting through outs to get to the celebration. But before the celebration, there had to be a speech.

And I’ll be real, the speech that Mike Shildt dropped is one of the best damn speeches you will ever here.

One of the players streamed it and it is awesome. There are a lot of profanities, so now would be a good time to get the kids out of the room. But if I so much as hear even the whisper of an apology from Shildt or the Cardinals for this speech, I’ll be raging. Because it’s so real and so honest and so perfect.

You ready? I don’t think you are. But I’m going to play it anyway.

What an amazing speech. That is the kind of speech that flag football frat bro could only dream of giving. That is so real, so raw, and so honest. The bleep rate on that speech was through the roof. 

Here’s a rough transcript: "The [Braves] started some bleep. We finished the bleep. And that's how we roll. No one bleeps with us ever. Now, I don't give a bleep who we play. We're gonna bleep them up. We're gonna take it right to them the whole bleeping way. We're gonna kick their bleeping ass."

That is the damn truth. That's not sanitized or polished up for the cameras. That's how it is and that's how this team rolls and I could not be a bigger fan of it. 

I’ve never been more amped in my life. Bring it! Nats v. Cards. Not the matchup that anyone was expecting, but the matchup I can’t wait to see.  Gonna a brawl in the streets, but two crews looking to bleep each other up: I’m here for it: I can’t wait to see it.