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Perk vs. Drake

I have a better chance of beating LeBron in one-on-one than Drake has of beating Perkins in a fight.

May 02, 2018 - 11:23 am

If I haven’t made it clear enough yet, let me say this one more time: that was a horrible night for Toronto. They blow a double-digit lead and homecourt to their bully, in the worst way possible, but they also lost another battle. The battle of Drake v. Kendrick Perkins. 

Let me get something out of the way quickly. I know Drake is a polarizing figure. A lot of people like him. A lot of people don’t like him. I don’t particularly care one way or another. Drake’s never done anything to me, so I’m not going to do anything to him. But I will offer a piece of free advice.

And that piece of advice is this: Anyone can do anything in this world if they really set their mind to it. Except intimidate Kendrick Perkins.  

Not happening. Not now. Not ever. 

But somehow, Aubrey Drake Graham and Kendrick La’Dale Perkins got into a war of words as the teams were heading for the locker room at halftime. Kendrick said it was all very simple.

"I was bleeping with Serge, my old teammate. I wasn't talking to [Drake]."

Perkins elaborated in more detail to Woj: "[I was] telling him, 'We about to win this game,' and Drake butted in talking bleep to me. So I said something back to him."

And what exactly did you say back, Kendrick?

"He said something slick, so I said something back: 'Sit your ass down and watch the game.'" 

Let me jump in right here. If Kendrick Perkins tells me to sit my ass down and watch the game, I am sitting my ass down and watching the game. I am sitting my ass down and watching that game better than I ever have before. 

Any person in their right mind is not doing that. 

I don’t care that Kendrick Perkins isn’t playing and is wearing a suit. Kendrick Perkins is still Kendrick Perkins. Kendrick Perkins is still listed at 6’10, 270. Kendrick Perkins is still one of the baddest men on the planet.

The list of people in the NBA to whom I would talk smack goes like this: 

1.     Everyone

2.     Then Kendrick Perkins

No, this isn’t the first time Drake’s gotten into it with opponents. And not even the first time he’s gotten into it with opponents in these playoffs. There was the jawing with John Wall and the remarks for Kelly Oubre Jr, where he yelled “You’re a bum!” 

You know where I come out on people calling other people bums, but let me make this perfectly clear: John Wall and Kelly Oubre Jr are not Kendrick Perkins. 

Kendrick Perkins is built like a Mack truck. I would sooner throw with a Mack truck travelling at 50 miles an hour than I would with Kendrick Perkins. I have a better chance of beating LeBron in one-on-one than Drake has of beating Perkins in a fight. 

Jawing with Perkins at halftime is one thing. Doing it again after the game, especially after that game where your team just lost in brutal fashion is even worse. But it happened again.

I don’t know who started it, but it better not have been Drake. Not after how that game ended. If your team loses that way and Perk talks junk on the way by, you just smile and wave. But that’s not what happened.

Both guys were going at each other and Drake started to follow Perkins to the tunnel. According to Toronto Star columnist Bruce Arthur: This went all the way into the tunnel, with Drake calling Perkins a "bleeping bleep" and calling for him to come out. "I'm here in real life," he said. He was mad.

I understand you’re here in real life. But, Drake, I want you to be here in real life for a long life. And a long time. 

I know you love the Raptors and I respect that. I want you to have your team’s back, I really do. But I also don’t want to see you eating lunch through a straw. Because if you keep barking at Perk, there’s a chance that’s gonna happen. Especially when he wasn’t barking at you.

If Kendrick Perkins is talking junk to Serge, let Kendrick Perkins talk junk to Serge. Hell, if Perk is talking junk to Serge, Drake should probably talk junk to Serge as well. What I’m saying is, whatever you do, do not be on the side opposite Kendrick Perkins. 

And the best part of this whole scene is, as the Cavs were getting ready to leave the locker room and head for the bus, a member of the team’s security staff asked Perk if he wanted an escort to the bus. Sorry, you’re asking Kendrick Perkins if he needs security? Kendrick Perkins is security. He’s security personified. He’s not with the Cavs to be a security guard, but he also doesn’t need a security guard to be with the Cavs. 

And of course Perk shook it off, saying: "I'm fine. What's he going to do?"

If he’s smart, nothing. If he’s really smart, apologize.