The Raiders To Appear On Hard Knocks

This is the most predictable thing ever.

Jim Rome
June 12, 2019 - 12:52 pm
Richie Incognito and Jon Gruden

USA Today

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So a reality show announced which NFL team it will be covering this year and you will never guess who it is. Wait for it….the Oakland Raiders.

Oh hell no!! That just happened! That’s real thing! They’re going there! The Raiders are getting their own freaking reality show?! 

Seriously?!? You mean Jon Gruden, who never turned down a chance to hype Jon Gruden, is going to allow cameras and microphones into his facility?

Who the hell saw that coming? Answer: everyone.

Right…because they were really going to go with Washington, or San Francisco, or the Giants, or the Lions. Sure they weren’t. There was absolutely no way they weren’t hosting this reality show in Oakland.

This is the most predictable thing ever.

This team and this roster were built to appear on a reality show, and not in a good or interesting way either, but in a tired and played out way.

It’s almost like a couple of d bag reality producers took over an office in the facility and started building the roster entirely around #CONTENT.

But, I’ll keep an open mind: I always do. I’m smart like that. All right. I’ll play along.  Pitch me. What do you got? 

They’ve got Antonio Brown, who turned himself into a reality show to get out of Pittsburgh and now he’s in Oakland where he’s going to be teamed up with Vontaze Burfict, the artist formerly known as the dirtiest player in football.

Remember when Burfict drilled Brown when they played against each other?!? Now they’re in the same locker room. Spppiicccy!! Now Burfict will have the opportunity to put Mr. Big chest in the protocol every day in practice. All right, that’s a solid start. You got my attention. But that’s all you have. That’s not enough. What else you got: 

There’s the wacky owner with Kirk Hinrich’s haircut, except painted red. Oh, and the minivan and the obsession with PF Chang’s. And his flip phone. All of that is actually dope: especially, grandpa’s strawberry Hinrich cut. Keep the camera on that dude 24/7: and remember to hit that with some coopertone pops; you’re already freckling badly. All right, what else we got. Burfict, Mr. Big Chest and the rich weird dude are still not to get me to watch.  

How about that other dude with the miserable cut, with the stupid faces, who acts like he invented the game but whenever one of his decisions blows up in his face, he gets behind the wheel of the bus and runs over someone else: yeah, Chunk, Chunk Gruden! That’s the guy, what are we doing with him? He can beef with his once great q.b….oh, oh, and bring in Nate Peterman, to throw some pick sixes and we can watch chunk turn beet red and break stuff. Good! Good! Now we’re getting somewhere. 

Now, what this real needs is that one dude who’s really dangerous: really unpredictable.  The guy capable of burning the place to the ground: idea, people, ideas, what do you got!!!  How about this Richie Incognito….oh hell yes!!!  Richard Incognito: wasn’t he the guy who told police last year that he was “running … NSA class level 3 documents” and who demanded to have his late father decapitated and who allegedly punched a hole in the wall and ripped a security system apart in an incident with his 90-year-old grandmother. Oh hell yes, I am so here for that: dropped Molotov cocktail into the mix and see what the hell happens!!  These dudes never even have to win a game to get my attention: hell they don’t even need to play a game to get me to watch. Incognito is worth the 30 bucks a month alone to watch this.

I mean, if he’s willing to do punch a hole in the wall with his 90-year old grandmother and tell funeral home workers to cut off his father’s head, what will he do when the offensive line coach critiques his technique?!?

Better get your popcorn ready, right?

The only thing this show is missing is Steve Carbone dropping spoiler alerts. Except there really are no spoilers to see here. This is the most predictable thing ever.

“Keeping Up With the Kardashians” thinks this show is getting a little stale. “Cops” looks at this show and says, yeah, it’s time to move on.

Seriously, how did they ever convince Jon Gruden to allow cameras and microphones into his practices? It’s almost like he’s built his brand on over the top mic’d up segments.

This show used to be interesting. It used to be must-see TV. But that was a long, long time ago. Now it feels old, tired and beaten down. Do the humane and put it down once and for all.  In the meantime, do yourself a favor – go outside. Go for a walk. Find a hobby. Read a book do something, anything. Because if you are looking forward to this, that means you’ve got nothing better to do and your life did not turn out the way you had hoped.