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Rest In Peace, Tristan’s Sanity

Let me make it clear, again, up front, that I don’t give a damn about tabloids, or gossip, or Page Six, or celebrity news.

April 13, 2018 - 12:32 pm

Let me make it clear, again, up front, that I don’t give a damn about tabloids, or gossip, or Page Six, or celebrity news. It’s not where I live. It’s not what I do. And somewhere way beneath my utter apathy for that genre is my disdain for the Kardashian Clan. That dysfunctional family of fame mongers does nothing for me. I do everything in my power to look away and stay away. 

But there’s an argument to be made that Tristan Thompson wrecked his relationship so badly, so publicly, and with such dirtbag timing—that it might actually have become a sports story—at least in part. 

Because the NBA playoffs start tomorrow. And Tristan Thompson is a 20-minute-a-night gamer for a Cleveland team trying run down another title on LeBron’s way out. He’s a dude who’ll give you 10 points and 9 boards every time he checks in off the bench.

He’s all of that—and he’s also public enemy number 1 in America right now—and it’s only getting worse. This dude—was booed—at home—in Wednesday night’s season finale. Booed. At home. Wednesday night.

In case you’ve been living under a boulder and don’t know why—it probably has something to do with the fact that he was caught on tape stepping out on his pregnant girl—who also happens to be Khloe Kardashian.

Terrible look. And he went from getting busted, to getting skewered online, to getting booed at home, to walking into the delivery room yesterday for 12 straight hours to see his girlfriend for the first time since she found out he cheated on her.

And if you thought those 12 hours couldn’t be anymore painfully awkward—then I should also tell you that both of Khloe’s pissed off sisters and her mom were in the room, too.

Pour one out for Tristan Thompson. Right now. Pour one out. Because even though he deserves everything he’s getting and more—no one can deny the sheer moxie it would take anyone to be in the same room as a four women who hate you for 12 hours while one of them gives birth to your kid.

And these aren’t just any four women. They’re the four most famous women in the world with a track record of destroying any man who dares cross them. There’s a hit list and Tristan is at the top. 

Never mind that whole world was keeping tabs on Khloe’s labor yesterday. Now Tristan has to take the walk of shame from the delivery room to the locker room. And get ready for the Pacers. 

Again—I’m sure LeBron is beyond thrilled that his dude is completely mind melted right now just in time for a playoff run. Strive for greatness out here, Cuz!

I’m interested in the sports angle here. Like, how the hell is Tristan going to ball out when 100 million social media eggs want this guy’s dome lopped off? Now juxtapose that with the fact he just had a kid—which is moment he can’t even enjoy right now. 

I’d say you can’t script this stuff—but the producers of the reality show will find a way. Trust me on that. And the mom will be right there directing the whole thing.

Rest in Peace, Tristan Thompson's sanity. It was good while it lasted.