Brock Osweiler

USA Today

The Return Of Brock

That’s right, Brocktober returning to the scene of the greatest heist in NFL history.

October 26, 2018 - 9:37 am

TNF's matchup between the 4-3 Dolphins and the 4-3 Texans wasn't just two teams heading in very different directions. It was about something much, much bigger. 


Brock Osweiler was back in H-Town. That’s right, Brocktober returning to the scene of the greatest heist in NFL history; that 4-year, 72-million dollar contract Texans owner Bob McNair shoved across the table with 36 million guaranteed.

That was the contract that was supposed to put Houston over the hump. Brock was the quarterback who was supposed to turn the Texans from Super Bowl contender to Lombardi defender. 

H-Town, how did that work out?

Two and a half years later, the Big Crusteacean has seen some things and been some places. Like the waiver wire. The dude has been to hell and back -- what else do you call Cleveland before Baker Mayfield and the bottom of a Broncos quarterback depth chart with Trevor Siemian and Paxton Lynch.?

But the Lobster is a survivor. And if there was one nightmare scarier for Texans fans than seeing Brock back in NRG Stadium again, it's seeing him walk in wearing a different jersey to light Houston the hell up. And it didn't take long for that nightmare to take hold. 

First quarter, Dolphins marching. The Lobster pushing the Fins into enemy territory when a Texans penalty took a field goal off the board and put the Miami offense back on the field. The very next play, the Dolphins took advantage with a 12-yard Kenyan Drake touchdown run.

Technically, that's a touchdown by Kenyan Drake. But have you ever seen better technique on a handoff than that textbook exchange? If Dolphins coaches were raving about Osweiler's huddle and snap-count etiquette a few weeks ago, they're gonna be holding a seminar and using that run play as teaching tape to show kids how you find the bread basket of a running back. 

Just like that, it's 7-nothing. And be honest, Texans fans. When you saw that touchdown you wondered, is it gonna be THAT KINDA night? The kind of night where Brock actually takes care of the football and leads the Fins up and down the field.  You know, the very thing he couldn’t do in Houston?

Of course it wasn't. 

Because the very next series, after the Texans answered with a touchdown drive of their own, Brock Osweiler went Brock Osweiler. And with Danny Amendola wrapped up in tight coverage and a field full of Texans swarming, the Lobster stared-down Danny Playoff and played the greatest hits throwing an interception.  

NOW, THAT’S THE guy Texans fans remember. The one who stares down a guy who isn't open, unleashes a throw about 10 yards too high, and hits a DB square between the numbers. Bad read, bad decision, bad throw, bad result. 

And THAT is the dude Texans fans couldn't be happier to have the hell outta town, especially when Deshaun Watson is lighting suckas up just a week after his lungs were so jacked up that he couldn't fly on the team plane. 

All good things come to an end. And last night, we saw the best thing come to an end: BROCKTOBER. 

Because there might technically be five days left in the month, but this is the end of an era.

When the two passing highlights of your night are the backwards pass you threw to set up a perfect completion by your starting wide receiver, and a kill-shot you bounced from your intended receiver, to the shoulder pads of one defender, to the helmet of another, into the hands of your own guy, you should just let that be your walk off. 

And while I know, technically, that Ryan Tannehill still might not be able to throw a forward pass, let's do the right thing and just let this be the end. 

Because there's nobility in letting the Lobster ride off into the sunset in Houston. The very place where he earned his rep. And cashed that mega check. And while it's clear that 3-0 start by the Dolphins was the greatest smoke and mirrors act since those two dudes with the hungry lion owned the Mirage, Brocktober is over. And there shouldn't be a Brockvember. 

Don't be sad that it's over. But happy that it happened.