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Sergio’s Opening Round

So what about the defending champ? How’d ol’ Serge do yesterday?

April 06, 2018 - 10:54 am

So what about the defending champ? How’d ol’ Serge do yesterday? The good news is he made history at Augusta on Thursday. The bad news is—he made the worst kind of history at Augusta on Thursday. 

Submergio Garcia. Back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to back Callaway Chrome-Softs in the drink. Dude went and dunked two sleeves of rocks into the creek at 15. Five straight shots in the water. And if he didn’t jug a 20-footer to get the hell out of there—it could have been even worse. My man put a 13 on his card. A 13! That’s like three holes worth of golf! I’m telling you right now—I could roll up to my club—pull any bat from the pro-shop, peg it up at any par 5 on the track, and get in at under 13. Guaranteed. No question. How many of you muni-hacks listening right now have ever written a 13 on a card? Never? And for the record, it was the highest score ever recorded at number 15 at Augusta National. Way to go, Submergio. You’re really making a name for yourself around there.

Here’s the kicker: Dude has no shot at making the weekend unless he comes out and fires a 62 today—which he won’t because no one will. But—he’s gotta hang around the place all weekend long to help whoever wins the tourney into their new green jacket. My advice? Go into town Saturday, get some scuba gear, and go fish out those rocks from 15. Because Chrome Softs ain’t cheap. And Sergio just left about 40 bucks worth of them in the drink.

Nobody thought Sergio was going to go back to back. But going back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back and making a 13? That's the most Sergio thing ever. 

Congrats on the Baker's Dozen Serge. Enjoy 18 more today, a great weekend watching golf like the rest of us, and we'll see you in the Butler Cabin when you throw that blazer on the new guy's shoulders.