Matt Ryan

USA Today

Thursday Night Football

Philadelphia 18, Atlanta 12, Everyone Who Watched: Zero.

September 07, 2018 - 9:41 am
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Philadelphia 18, Atlanta 12, Everyone Who Watched: Zero. 

After seven months without an NFL game, we still have to wait a few more days for one. Sure, I know the Falcons and Eagles played last night, but I don’t know anyone who enjoyed that at all. And I don’t think anyone anywhere really wants to count it as an actual game. 

Nothing ever lives up to the hype, but last night’s game didn’t even enter the hype’s area code. That didn’t feel like the first Thursday night game of the year, that felt like a late season Thursday night game, when both teams are banged up, playing on short weeks, and just aren’t prepared for a football game. Except in this case, both teams had half a year to get ready. And it was still horrible. It’s been a long time since I’ve looked as forward to anything as I did that game, and an even longer time since I’ve been that miserable. 

How bad was it?

Philadelphia ran a trick play that sure felt like it was a troll job of the Patriots, and the game was still unwatchable. That didn’t break the internet. I wanted to break my remote control when I saw it.

What the hell happened? How did this team, which was so electric last year, turn in something like that? I know the offense would be better with Carson Wentz, but it was Nick Foles who took them to the Super Bowl. And was the MVP. And that wasn’t a boring, unwatchable game. 

But this was. By the time we finally got to the fourth quarter, I didn’t just want a running clock, I wanted time taken off the clock, because it felt like time was being taken off my life. 

I can’t stress this enough. We’re kicking off the season in Philadelphia, they’re unveiling a Super Bowl banner, and then run a trick play troll job, and it was still boring.  

Better yet, Philadelphia unveiled a Super Bowl banner, ran a trick play that felt like a troll job, and had a goal line stand, and the game still sucked.

Honestly, now that the game is over, I just wish the weather delay had been longer. That was way better than the game itself. 

Former Eagle Mychal Kendricks pled guilty to insider trading and he still might’ve had a better day than the Eagles offense. That offense that was so explosive last year had zero yards in the first quarter. Zero. Nick Foles: 19 of 34 for 117 yards and no touchdowns, for the whole game. In today’s NFL, a quarterback passing for 100 yards isn’t a game, it’s a quarter. 

But it wasn’t just a bad first quarter. Philadelphia was outgained by Julio Jones in the first half. That’s right – outgained by one guy in the first half. 

I know a win is a win and Philly certainly isn’t going to be looking to hand that one back to Atlanta, but that was still rough to watch.

Oh, and by the way, let’s not sleep on the Falcons. They definitely played a role in this slow-motion car crash. But I’ll get to them later.

I cannot stress enough how boring that game was. It was so bad that Philadelphia fans were booing the team, on the same night that they unveiled the Super Bowl banner. So if you thought winning a Super Bowl would change Philadelphia fans, you are dead wrong. Winning a Super Bowl didn’t change Philly fans, it just made them more Philly.

These people were gleefully eating horse crap in honor of their team and now they’re booing them minutes after a Super Bowl banner was unveiled. Never change, Philly fans, never change. 

Saying something sucks isn’t a take. Never will be. But that game sucked. And as far as I’m concerned, it never happened. Because I’ve already hit reset and gearing up for the opening on the NFL season Sunday.