Tom Brady Is Not Funny

Maybe it wasn’t Bill Belichick in New England after all.

Jim Rome
April 29, 2020 - 10:49 am
Tom Brady

USA Today

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This guy…it’s gotten to the point where I can almost start a take by just saying “this guy…” and everyone is going to know who I’m talking about. Because for the last few months, there has not been a more annoying, tedious, and tired topic than this guy. If it’s not one thing, it’s another.

Instagram likes. Instagram posts. Showing up a meaningless college basketball games to make sure to get his mug on television so everyone can look at him. And talk about him. Stupid Super Bowl commercials that are supposed to be funny but never are. Hanging out in a Florida park when you’re not allowed to hang out in a Florida park. Coming up with a truly idiotic nickname for a city and then looking to trademark that idiotic nickname.

And then walking into some random guy’s house, thinking it was his offensive coordinator’s house. You know the guy, right? I’m talking about Tom Brady. And the fact that he walked into someone’s house thinking it was Byron Leftwich’s house.

Hilarious, right? I mean, wacky as hell, right?? Not really. Especially, since wacky is now this dude’s brand as he has transitioned from one of the coolest dudes in sports to the single biggest nerd: a title once held by Tiger Woods. 

As for the dude he walked in on…This is David Kramer, the neighbor, telling TMZ what happened when a legendary quarterback slash annoying, would-be comedian came into his house.

Turns out Ol Purple and was intending to go to Byron Leftwich’s house, but walked into the house next door instead. Again, that would be an interesting story if it involved an interesting guy, but it didn’t, it involved the most boring guy ever. So not interesting at all. To any of us. But, it might be interesting to a number of other NFL teams.

Because the story was that Brady was there to pick up materials from Leftwich, rather than meeting with him. Cool. Classic Brady. Always going the extra mile. Going to his offensive coordinator’s house instead of just talking with him on the phone. Wanting to get familiar with everything.

Except there are two problems with that.

One, he was violating the Florida’s stay-at-home order.

Two, he was allegedly violating league rules as well. According to PFT, players cannot meet with coaches at any time prior to the start of the offseason program.

And if you’re going to a guy’s house, you are most definitely meeting with him.

So, let me say it again…: this guy…

The league looked into it and came to the following conclusion: “We made an inquiry and determined there was no violation. It was a brief personal visit and Tom picked up the playbook.”

So there was no violation. Just a brief personal visit and Tom was picking up the playbook. Cool. Except why was he “picking up the playbook”? Isn’t every playbook on an iPad or Microsoft Surface now? Can’t that be emailed or we transferred to Tom? Or are we supposed to believe that there is an actual book of plays, on paper, that Tom was going by to pick up?

And if that was the case, if it really is some massive three-ring binder that can’t be emailed and printed off at the home of Purple Balls, why don’t you just overnight it? Or have a courier pick it up and deliver it. You know, because there’s a stay-at-home order and because you’re not supposed to be meeting with a coach, even if it is just a “brief personal visit.”

And about that brief personal visit, play that clip from David Kramer one more time. And listen carefully to the last few seconds.

“Grabs his bags…” Who brings a bag to a brief personal visit to pick up a playbook? And then who brings multiple bags to a brief personal visit?

That doesn’t sound like a guy coming for a personal visit that sounds like a guy who’s looking to move in. When was the last time you went to visit a new co-worker just for a quick chat and showed up with multiple bags that you brought into the house?

I’ll answer that for you: never.

If you show up at someone’s house with multiple bags, you are either crashing there for the weekend or you are looking to do some serious work. You aren’t bringing bags into someone’s house just so you can say hi and pick up a playbook. If you’re just to drop by and pick something up, you leave the bags in your car: unless you’re not looking to just drop by; and you’re looking to post up. 

If you believe that he showed up, bags in hand, just to pick you something up, you also believe that locker room attendant in New England was nicknamed “The Deflator” because he wanted to lose weight. And the every other excuse the Patriots have floated when they’ve been caught filming opponents.

Maybe it wasn’t Bill Belichick in New England after all. Maybe everyone was wrong to gloss him Bill Beli-cheat and that Brady has been the guy all along.

Or maybe Brady really was there just to pick up a playbook that could have been emailed or couriered to him. And maybe he’s just the kind of person who shows up with multiple bags everywhere he goes and brings them into the house, even on a brief personal visit.  That…. Or maybe Brady is a habitual line stepper and he got caught stepping over the line, yet again.

And if he did… it is not the end of the world. If he was violating state and league rules with that visit, I’m not saying that Brady should be suspended or the team should be fined. I’m just saying that this guy has made a habit of this stuff. I’m just saying, yet again, we really don’t know any of these guys. And often times, they’re not what they appear. 

And I’m also saying  if I was involved with another NFL team and my guys were following the rules, I would be pretty pissed off that this guy isn’t. And seems to be stepping on, if not over, the line, yet again.

I’m saying, we’re talking this guy, again, for the wrong reasons. And I’m sure it won’t be the last time.