Tom Cruise Wants To Go To Space

And Elon Musk and his Space X program are involved in the project.

Jim Rome
May 05, 2020 - 10:42 am
Tom Cruise

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Most of us still can’t leave our homes. Tom Cruise—on the other hand—is reportedly looking to leave the planet.

Deadline dot com filed an article yesterday that America’s last, true leading-man might strap on an astronaut’s helmet—and head to freaking outer space to film one of his next movies.

Mav in space? Oh hell yeah! Sign me up.

One small step for Cruise. One giant leap for the movie-going public.

Deadline dot com also reported that Elon Musk and his Space X program are involved in the project.

Oh…hell…no!

Look—I’m all about Tom Cruise doing whatever the hell Tom Cruise wants to do. The guy is the king of stunts. Whether he’s jumping from actual buildings or hanging onto actual airplanes—the guy can—and has—done it all.

And maybe space is his own personal final frontier when it comes to real life silver screen magic. But all of that excitement is heavily tempered by the involvement of Elon Musk.

If you don’t know super-billionaire, Elon Musk then you’re missing out on one of the most volatile, unpredictable, inconsistent geniuses of the 21st century.

Musk made the first part of his fortune in PayPal and then co-founded the electric car company Telsa. Both are universally regarded as massive, all-time successes. And Musk has 40 billion dollars to show for it.

But Musk has had some very public, very regrettable failures and missteps since then.

There was time he was fined 20 million dollars and removed as the chairman of his own company after he tweeted out misleading information that defrauded the SEC in regards to taking Tesla private. That was bad. But it was only made worse after a rapper named Azealia Banks claimed she was in Elon’s house at the time and he may have tweeted that while on acid. There was enough legitimacy to that claim that Banks was actually subpoenaed in a class-action lawsuit to testify.

Then there was the time back in 2018 when a group of children was stranded in a cave in Thailand. Musk wanted to rescue them with a custom made submarine. A professional cave-diver told him to stay out of it and stop delaying the efforts so Musk responded by publicly calling the guy a pedophile. And now Musk is being sued for defamation.

Then there was the time when he smoked a joint on Joe Rogan’s podcast and subsequently sunk the stock of Telsa while NASA ordered an expansive review into the culture at Space X.

Then there was the time when Musk debuted a ridiculous looking Tesla truck which he claimed was bulletproof—only to watch a couple of rocks shatter both windows at a live demonstration that went the exact opposite way he thought it would.

If by bulletproof he actually meant not bulletproof at all---then yes, the truck is bulletproof.

And then there was time when the first three Space X rockets failed—and the third one collided with itself after it broke apart and crashed down into the ocean. That particular rocket was carrying the ashes of former Star Trek actor James Doohan—who wanted to be spread out in space, but had to settle for the ocean.

So—when I read Tom Cruise might be going into space and Elon Musk might be involved, you can understand my trepidation. Do we really want to put Ethan Hunt’s safety in the hands of guy whose bulletproof glass can’t withstand a rock? A guy who's already crashed a rocket into the ocean? I sure as hell don’t!

Do you know what Star Wars, Armageddon, Apollo 13, Deep Impact and every other awesome space movie have in common? They were made on earth! With both feet on the ground. And no one walked out of theater pissed because of it.

Just like no one is gonna be mad if Maverick makes this movie on a back lot and not 240,000 miles above the planet with his life in Elon Musk's hands.

Tommy—if it’s not too late—back out of this, my man. I badly want a Mission Impossible 12. I don’t need that series prematurely ending because you wanted to method act with Elon Musk.

In other news; 48-year-old Elon Musk had a baby yesterday with his 32-year-old musician girlfriend, Grimes. Congrats! Sincerely.

According to a tweet from Musk—they named the baby, X-A-E-A-12 Musk.

If you think I’m joking, go check Musk’s Twitter feed.

Hey Tom. Please don’t go into space with a guy who may have just named his kid X-A-E-A-12.

Please. I'm begging you. If not for yourself, but for the rest of us.